My All

Part 41

Deborah paced around the cabin. It's been five hours already. What was taking him so long? A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She quickly opened and saw Shawn standing there. She smiled and ran into his arms.She felt him tense. "Are you okay?" She quickly asked letting him go as he walked into the living room. He sat on the couch.

"Come sit with me. All I want to do is hold you right now." She sat next to him as he pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

"That bad, huh?"

"Is it okay if we don't speak for now?"

"Of course." She hugged him tight.

He laid her down on the couch, got on top of her and started kissing her. His hands went under her shirt as she moaned and grinded beneath him. He took his shirt off as she took hers. He stood up and picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he headed to the room. There he dropped her on the bed while he finished taking his clothes off. She pulled her pants down as she stared at him. He got between her legs and entered her with on big trust. She dug her nails on his back as he moved between them. He drowned their moans in kisses, their bodies entwined in raw passion. He felt her clench him, she was close, he moved faster and he released as he fell on top as both tried to catch their breaths.

"I missed you, I missed this." He said kissing her as he laid next to her.

"Me too." She said sitting up with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" He sat next to her.

"No, it's that after all I went through with Serge, I never thought it would ever feel good or safe again."

"I'm so sorry I didn't get you out sooner."

"You couldn't, you had no memory of me. But we shouldn't think about that now. We can start fresh now." She grabbed his face and kissed him. "I love you!"

"I love you, too. You have no idea."

"And now, finally, we get to be together." She said and his face dropped. "What? What's with the face? Did something happen?"

He got up and started getting dressed. He handed her her clothes and she just stared at his hand until she finally grabbed them confused and started getting dressed too and sat back down. "We need to talk."

"Oh my God, something did happen. Is it Carl?" She jumped from the bed.

"No, he's fine. It's about us." He said and she dropped back down on the bed.

"What about us, Shawn?"

"You know I love you."

"I'm starting to question it, you said it today for the first time."

"Never, never, question my feelings for you. I love you, and all I would want is to be able to be with you."

"What are you saying? You can't?"

"When I got home, July was unconscious in bed. She took a bunch of pills trying to kill herself."

"Oh, God. Is she okay?"

"They were able to pump her stomach, she and the baby are okay. But the doctor pulled me into his office and told me that I can't cause her any stress until she gets better."

"I understand that."

"Do you? It means I can't leave her, not right now. She's going to go through therapy and whenever we feel she's strong enough, I can go ahead and leave her."

Deborah stood up, open mouthed, staring at him in disbelief. "There's other ways to not cause her stress than doing that, Shawn."

"I went to see her afterwards and she said she will kill herself if I leave her."

"Did you tell her already you are staying with her?" Shawn tried to grab her arm, but she pushed him away. "Did you? Answer me!"

"Yes, Deborah. I did."

She dropped on her knees and started crying. "Why did you even come here?"

He kneeled next to her, grabbing her face. "I needed to see you."

"To rub it in my face that you were staying with your wife?"

"No, Deborah. You had a right to know."

"And what was that?" She pointed to the bed. "A pity fuck? Let me fuck her one last time?"

"Don't say that, Deborah. This doesn't change anything. We can still be together, but not in public. It's all until she gets the help she needs." She slapped him.

"I am not going to be your side piece. How can you think I can be with you knowing that you have to sleep with her to keep this charade? Get out, Shawn!"

"No, we are not done talking."

"Oh, we are. Leave, or I'll never speak to you ever again."

"What about your job?"

"I can still work with you and be professional. Other than work, we are not to speak, ever. I'm done with you."

"Deborah, please. Don't say that." He cried, kissing her hands. "I love you. Please, wait for me. Believe me, I don't want to do this. All I want to do is be with you."

"Then it seems you have a choice to make. Her or me."

"I don't want her death to be on my conscience. And she's carrying my child, Deborah. I can't risk it."

"Can't you see you are being controlled?"

"But the doctor said..."

"Doctors can be bought."

"He's been my dad's doctor since he got sick."

"Isn't it strange that he hasn't figured out what is wrong with your dad all this time?" She got up and patted his shoulder. "It's really late. You should get going."

"Can I stay here? I'll sleep on the couch. It's too late for me to drive in my condition."

"Just because this is your place. Tomorrow I am going to start looking for another place."