Thor x Reader

Fifteen

"Where to?", Thor asked as he glanced over your shoulder.

Lost in thoughts and with your forehead in deep wrinkles, you were bend over a map of the nine realms.

Tyr had left rather vague instructions as to how fate was supposed to take its turn.

You knew very well that even a god with his abilities had his limits and yet you had assumed that his visions would at least create something more for clarity. Not only had he only seen one of many possibilities, he had also not been sure about some interpretations.

You had spent years trying to make sense of what he had left you. And yet some things were still unclear to you.

"I don't know how to explain it...", you mumbled, chewing your bottom lip.

Thor's eyes followed your every move.

Again his fingers twitched. Once again he felt the need to touch you. He wanted to reach out and wrap his thick fingers around your chin so that you had to look at him.

He longed to know what your (S/C) skin felt like after all these years. It used to be rough, tortured by all the tasks and trials Tyr had given you.

But your master had been gone for a long time and so your training had ended. He knew that you had tried to train alone for a few more years. But when he had turned to Sif, you had been abandoned by your motivation.

Secretly, he felt responsible for that.

He could have talked to you then, told you his reasons.

But what good would that have done?

In the end, the result would always have been two broken hearts. Even until that day, Thor felt a stabbing pain in his chest when he thought about why he had to leave you.

But he didn't want you to know. He would rather you hate him with all the fire in you than show him understanding.

"I'm not very clever.", he said, standing up straight to look out the window over you. "Don't waste your time trying to explain it to me."

A deep breath pressed out of your nose. The air tickled the back of your hand.

"It would be good if you at least knew what we were looking for. Two minds know more than one."

He hummed but it sounded more like he didn't even have a hope of being useful. Unless you asked him to crush someone's skull with his hammer. He would certainly be useful for that.

"What is it?", he asked, bending over you again.

His shadow literally swallowed you and the map.

Thor had always been tall, but his physical change was so severe that it sent shivers down your spine. Your heart began to beat faster in your chest.

For sure he would give the best hugs now.

Even then you had often slept in the protection of his body, your arms wrapped tightly around him. But instead of his round belly, he had had visible muscles. He had been hard under your fingers, like the mountains in Jötunheim.

You hadn't hated it, but you had wished he would be softer, more cuddly.

Would he feel different now?

Would he be soft like clouds?

The thought awoke curiosity in you. Curiosity to be able to touch him again after all these years.

Your eyes wandered over your shoulder.

Rusty red hair met your gaze. It was still the same as it was then.

Something you had loved about him was the colour of his hair.

Red.

The same colour as his mother's hair. The Allfather had raged as he watched his first and then only son become more and more like the woman he had only used to give himself children.

It had only been a drop in the ocean, but somehow you had enjoyed it whenever Thor had not been as the Allfather would have wanted. Also his stubbornness and defiance had been something you had appreciated about him.

He had been very much like Baldur then, headstrong and not looking to be praised. He just wanted to be himself.

Now he reminded you more of Heimdall, submissive, devoted. Almost a lickspittle.

The thought made you snort. A grin revealed your teeth.

Thor's eyebrows rose in surprise. His lips opened a crack and a soft gasp escaped.

How he had missed this sight. So beaming. So lighthearted and soft.

Yet it made his heart pull together.

"Why are you laughing?", he asked with the astonishment of a little boy, but frowned not a second later. "Don't laugh at me. Please. Not you too."

You quickly averted your eyes.

"I'm not laughing at you.", you mumbled, trying to concentrate on the map again. "I mean... in a way. But I don't mean it in a bad way."

What makes you laugh then?

For a moment you just stared at the emptiness outside the window. Memories, you finally said. Good... memories.

A deep breath escaped him. Without a word he pressed his lips together.

His eyes dug into the back of your head.

You could feel his gaze lingering on you.

It was like it was digging through all the layers of your clothes, through every layer of skin, flesh and finally the bones.

You would have preferred if he had never looked at you again. You knew the way he looked at you even if you couldn't see his expression.

He was sorry. He was so terribly sorry for everything.

And despite all his faults, he longed to know what it would have been like if he had chosen you then.

Bitterly you had to swallow hard.

A trembling whimper got caught in your throat.

Taking a deep breath, you clenched your hands into fists, closed your eyes and breathed out again.

"We should go to the world tree.", you said and hurriedly surrendered.

Surprised, he backed away. He still feared what would happen if he touched you without your consent.

"Why go to Yggdrasil?", he asked. We can wander between the worlds without him.

You rolled up the map to pocket it.

"I know, but... Let's just say we're not looking for a hiding place in the nine realms. We're looking in between."