Thor x Reader

Twenty-Eight

"Don't...", Thor whispered as you placed another soft kiss on his lips.

Squeezing his eyes shut and baring his teeth in anger, he tried to turn his face away.

He didn't want to look at you.

One single glance was enough to overwhelm him with guilt. How much he regretted the harm he had done you. How he hated that the only good thing he's ever had in life was still with him even if he didn't deserve it.

"Thor...", you breathed and covered his cheek in kisses.

"No.", he sucked in a sharp breath, trying to fight away the pain by scolding himself just like the Allfather would have done it. "I don't deserve your forgiveness... I don't deserve mercy."

"You're miserable.", you wiped his tears with your thumbs.

"Yes and I deserve to be!", frustrated he hit the ground next to him.

The vibration send shivers down your spine. The hairs in the back of your neck stood up straight as goosebumps covered all of your body.

But it wasn't fear that made you react this way. You could have never feared him.

And why?

He had never been violent with you. Not even disrespectful.

Everything had gone down the drain as he had chosen Sif over you.

Perhaps that was his punishment now.

"You make me feel miserable.", you forced him with all your strength to raise his head and pressed your forehead against his.

"I'm sorry...", his voice was shaking as he tried not to burst into tears again. "I make everyone miserable. You should be angry with me. Scream at me. Hit me. Make me bleed, please. I'm too weak to do it myself..."

With your teeth clenched you shook your head.

"Pumpkin.", you breathed another kiss to his lips.

He sighed.

"Why do you forgive me now?", he asked, eyes still blurry.

"I don't."

"Then why do you comfort me?"

You swallowed hard.

This went against everything your pride and dignity wanted. Your mind hated the idea.

But your heart knew both of you needed it. And your soul longed for it.

Sometimes, the path to getting better was worse than remaining on the path of misery. It wasn't always pleasant to get better. Letting go was an act of bravery, strength.

Tyr had always laughed when you had said that mercy was the highest of abilities.

Now that you were older and couldn't rely on your masters knowledge no more you knew that it had been a misconception.

The highest ability a living and breathing being could have was forgiveness. It hurt. It was disgusting and demanding.

But in the end it didn't just help the one that was forgiven but also the one who forgave.

You wanted to help Thor. Not just for his own sake but also because you knew that if this mission was supposed to be a success you couldn't hold onto old pain anymore.

You were getting tired. It exhausted you to remain hostile towards him day in and day out.

It wouldn't change anything. Neither would forgiving him but at least it would ease both of your minds.

And perhaps even your souls.

"Peace.", you finally breathed. "I want peace. A calm mind."

A low growl made his chest vibrate.

"I prefer war.", he tried to pull away but you refused to let him go.

For once in your life you didn't allow him to make his own decision but forced him to see what you deemed better for him.

"Is it because you want to be at war at all times?", you asked, eyes red with dried out tears. "Or is it because the Allfather taught you nothing but war?"

"I thought the Allfather is not to blame for everything.", he huffed bitterly.

You shook your head.

"You're right. He's not.", but your grip on his face loosened to gently caress his cheeks in a loving way, just like you had used to do it. "This is about you, Thor. What do you want? What is it that you truly desire?"

Letting out a deep breath, Thor closed his eyes and leaned into the softness of your touch.

For a moment he allowed himself to melt into the warmth and comfort that you offered him in a moment of pain.

"You've never demanded anything from me...", he said and opened his eyes slightly to gift you an exhausted smile. "I could be the biggest of fools and you only ever asked me why. Why did you do it? What do you want? You were always the only one to ask me... not demand."

Trying to be brave, you sucked in a sharp breath and returned the smile. But deep down it made your heart ache.

Thor had only ever been a tool, a way to succeed.

Odin had used him as his knight, to either enslave or kill.

Sif had used him to climb the ranks. Sure, she had given her body in return but you knew that she was bossy and always fought him whenever she deemed the Allfathers actions dangerous to her family.

She truly seemed to believe that Thor was able to just kill Odin and solve all of her problems. To her, all that mattered where her kids and the prestige that her husband provided.

But now all she had left was a daughter.

"You make your own decisions.", you said.

"Wrong ones.", he snarled.

"Misguided ones. You've only ever decided for the greater good. For prophecies. The Allfather. Your clan. It is time for you to decide for yourself."

For a moment his blue eyes wandered over your face. A reddish shimmer covered the white.

His breathing was so calm all of a sudden.

"What if the decisions I make for myself will lead to more misery?", he asked.

You couldn't help but chuckle slightly.

"Can there be more misery than there is already?", you returned the question. "At this point does it even matter anymore?"

With his lips pressed into a thin line, he finally pulled away from your touch and sat up straight.

Once again, he examined your face.

This time you smiled at him with honesty.

Without a word he reached out to grab your cheek in a gentle manner and bowed down to breathe a kiss once more to your forehead.

"I'll think about it, my quill.", he said.