All I Want 3

•2•

•Toms Pov•
I sit on the sofa with the divorce papers in my hand, bending the pages between my fingers and feeling the anxiety of it all. When I first married Lia, I thought I would be with her until my last dying breath. I thought she was my forever. How could I ever be ready for this when it was never expected to happen? I'm a planner. I'm not spontaneous. But this? I don't think any amount of planning could have made this any easier to handle.

"What are you going to do?" Haz asks.
I know that he has taken Lias's side. I know that he will always take her side no matter what. But he's still trying to be a friend to me. I can feel how things have changed between us, he's more distant, he doesn't spend much time with me anymore, and he's constantly texting her while we are together. I understand why, I mean he's her best friend, and this must be very hard for her. It's hard for me too.. but at least I have the distraction of work right now.

I'm not gonna lie, when I get home at night and the house is empty and filled with nothing but silence, that's when I miss her most. I miss coming home to her baking cookies with Evangeline or singing along to a song from a Disney movie. I was so stressed about the big things in the marriage that I didn't take the time to appreciate the small things that I miss the most now. It's exhausting having to act like I'm okay because if I show that I'm not, Haz will do everything in his power to push me back to her. And I can't be with someone who would choose themself over my child.

"I'm going to send them in, and get the divorce finalized," I answer Haz's question.
He looks at me dumbfounded as if he absolutely can't believe what I just said.
"Are you fucking dumb mate?" He almost laughs. "You're actually going through with this shit?"
"No, I just told her I was going to divorce her for the fun of it," I say sarcastically.
He rolls his eyes at me and shakes his head. I know Haz thinks I'm dumb. I know he thinks that I've gone crazy, but this is for the best. I need to put my children before anything and everything, even if it's her.

"You're making a mistake Tom." He says plainly.
"Maybe.. but at least my kids will live in a home where they feel equally wanted." I shrug.
"And what about when you're home alone, kids are with their friends or family, and it's just you?" He asks. "Or how about when they're all grown up and moved away? You're going to wish you had the love of your life by your side."
I've thought about that. I've thought about it a lot. I spent so much time planning my and Lias life together, and now that's all going to be gone. I'm going to have to rewrite my future. It's going to be hard and a little depressing for a while but I can do it. And I know she can too.
"Haz. I'm going through with this." I state.
"And it's going to be the worst decision of your life.." he sighs.

•Lias Pov•
I can't stop puking. Ever since the miscarriage, I have felt so sick. At first, I thought I had an infection or something from it and went to the hospital, but they said it was probably just a trauma response. I didn't think it would last this long though. I'm losing weight, I don't want to eat, and I'm always dehydrated.

I brush my teeth for the third time today to get the taste out and stare at myself in the mirror. I don't even recognize my reflection. Any bit of happiness that I had is now gone and I look as sick as I feel. I've been doing my makeup to leave the house, but when I'm like this- in my bare face and pajamas- I look like I'm on my deathbed.

The doorbell rings, and my head pops up. Who is here? Haz and Stass aren't coming over until tomorrow. I quickly wipe away the watery eyes from vomiting, and head towards the door in hopes that it's just a package being dropped off and I don't have to pull myself together to speak with someone. I reach the door and open it to see a face I really was not expecting at all.

"Tom? What are you doing here?" I ask.
"You forgot to sign a couple of places." He says, holding up the divorce papers. "Can I come inside?"
Tom hasn't even seen my house before let alone come in, mostly because I've been trying to keep my distance. I step to the side, allowing him to walk through the door. He looks around, obviously examining my new environment.
"It's nice. Your style." He comments.
I stay silent, sitting down on the sofa waiting for him to show me the places where I forgot to sign.
"Okay.." he trails off, sitting next to me. "This one.. and this one."

I look over the two signatures and quickly remember why I didn't sign this part.
"Tom I'm not taking fifteen percent of your annual income," I state.
"Lia just sign the papers." He sighs.
"No. I don't need your money." I shake my head.
I don't know why he thinks he needs to give me money. I don't need it. Yes, he makes quite a bit more than me but I am more than comfortable with my income and I don't need his help.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be. I just want to make sure you and the baby are taken care of." He says and I scoff.
"Yeah because I'm so incapable of that huh?" I push.
"Don't do this.. don't make this into a fight." He groans.
He says don't make it into a fight, but does he not realize how offensive this is? I don't need his money. I don't need him to take care of me. I am fine on my own and I don't need assistance.

"Tom if I need money I promise I'll ask you, but I don't need it right now, so can we not do this? Please?" I try to be civil.
"Fine.." he sighs, folding the papers over. Thank god. I don't like taking money from people, especially when it's an awkward situation like this.
"And I won't need any money as long as you're not planning on firing me," I comment.
He looks at me with confusion, obviously not too happy about me saying that.
"You know I would never do that right? I still care about you, Lia." He says and it does nothing but brings pain to my heart.
"Could've fooled me.."
"Lia.." he sighs. "Don't be like that.

He grabs my hand in his, tightly squeezing it. Normally he makes me feel so safe but he just doesn't anymore. He hurt me. He broke me. He lost my trust. Nothing about him or me or us feels the same. I pull my hand away, taking a deep breath. I can make it through this. I have to make it through this.
"You should go, Tom," I say.
"Really? Lia, it's been two weeks. we are still friends." He states and I shake my head.
"You don't get it, Tom." I start. "I don't know how to be friends with the man I am in love with that shattered my heart."
He looks down at the ground, his fingers tapping on his thighs. He knows exactly what I'm feeling. I'm sure he feels it to some extent as well, but he has nothing he can say or do to fix it, so he's staying silent.

"You have to accept that all of this is going to take time," I tell him. "I'm doing my best but I'm still really fucking upset with you."
Now his eyes lift to meet mine, a look of sincerity in them.
"I'm sorry for the things I said. I get why this is going to take you some time.. take all the time you need." He says as he stands up. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"See you.." I almost whisper as he walks out of my house. Once again, leaving me to my lonesome.