All I Want 3

•5•

Five years. Only five fucking years. I can't believe two attempted murders, stalking, and assault don't land a person at least a decade. I just want to be able to live my life without fear but knowing that in five years Derek will be a free man again makes me terrified. He isn't going to change.. he will come for me. I know it.

"Hey.. no panicking. You need to stay calm okay?" Haz says to me after just giving me the bad news. It's even more upsetting to know that had I gone to the trial, it would have gone differently. I could have gotten him a longer sentence. Of course, once he's out I can have a restraining order, but who's to say he will respect it? He's lost his mind. Who knows what he will try to do once he gets out? He already wants to hurt me enough as is, and now he's just going to be pissed that I got him thrown in prison for five years.

"Lia just try to focus on the fact that you'll have five full years of no worries, and who knows.. maybe he will have a heart attack or something and die in there!" Stassie says and I almost spit my drink.
"Stass!" Haz scolds.
"Don't act like you don't want him dead." She rolls her eyes at him. "You want him dead more than the rest of us."
I tune out their conversation, trying to bring myself some peace. I got myself so stressed that I passed out and I'm not going to let that happen again. Yes, things are hard right now. Yes. Things will continue to be hard for a while. But I have to start handing it in before it becomes something worse.

"Can we talk about something other than Derek please?" I ask.
"Should I break out the wedding planner?" Stass asks and I nod.
"Please. I need it."
While it does make me a little bit sad helping Stass and Haz plan their wedding because it reminds me of mine and Tom's wedding, I still enjoy it because they're my best friends and I want nothing more than to see them commit themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. They are true soulmates. I thought Tom and I were soulmates... but I was wrong.

I wonder if I'll ever love again.

•Toms Pov•
I can't believe he only got five years. The entire system is fucked. At least I know that she will be safe for five years. Now that all of that is done with, I can focus on something else that demands my attention,
"Hi, can I get some records on the last couple of appointments for Amelia Holland?" I say into the phone.
"And can I ask who's calling?" The woman asks.
"Tom Holland. Just trying to get some records to keep track of everything." I say.
"I'm sorry Mr. Holland but I can't give you her records without written consent."
Dammit...
"Alright, thank you anyways."

What if it's nothing? What if the doctors just missed it? But how do you miss a pregnancy? That's the first thing they would look for in a female passing out. None of this makes sense.. if she wasn't pregnant.. the only thing that could have possibly happened is.
No.
That can't possibly be true. If Lia lost the baby she would tell me.. right? That's not something she would keep from me. She's not like that. She's always been open and honest with me. We don't keep secrets and I can't imagine that she'd start now.

If this happened.. and if anyone knows.. it would be Haz. Her very best friend, her brother, and the one person I have been struggling with the most. Perfect. I know Haz is mad at me for what I did, so how do I bring this up to him and have a conversation? We're struggling to talk as is, and this might just fuel the fire. We can barely talk about work stuff without it being uncomfortable.

Tom: How's she doing?

I send the text and wait for a response. Once he says something I can ask him to meet up tomorrow. In my gut, I know something is wrong with our ba... I just know it. If there wasn't something wrong, the doctors would have known about the pregnancy. I just wish I could talk directly to Lia about it but I also know I'm not good for her health right now. I need to respect that.

Haz: she's sleeping. Exhausted from the day. She'll be okay. She's strong.

He's right. She's the strongest girl I know. My girl can handle anything that life throws at her. My girl.. guess I can't call her that anymore. I wouldn't necessarily say that I regret the divorce. Still, sometimes I do miss the sound of her laugh coming from the other room while I'm trying to focus on work or the smell of her shampoo in the bathroom, or those damn white heels that always end up in the center of the room that always trips me. God I hated those heels and I haven't tripped in weeks but the giggle she'd make every time almost numbed the irritation. I'd almost face-plant a million times if it meant hearing her laugh..

Stop it, Tom. You did what you had to do. You have to put your kids first now and that's exactly what you did. You're a good father. You're a good person. Everything is perfectly fine and you did the right thing.

Tom: can we talk tomorrow?

Haz: I guess...

Now I'm nervous.. it could be nothing, but if it's not I don't know that I'm ready to know. I'm broken from my thoughts when there's a knock on the door, and I hear it open and close quickly. That's Sarah. Yeah, I know it's not exactly professional that she just walks in, but she practically lives here now.

"The paperwork you requested." She says as she hands me the packet. All the information I need to attempt to get full custody of my child with Lydia. I've been meeting with Lydia, trying to find an agreement but it seems the only agreement I'll be okay with is getting my child to myself. Normally I'd never think pulling a child from their mother is okay, but Lydia isn't a mother. She doesn't deserve this baby. I'm going to get full custody and I'm going to do my best to give this child the best life they can have.

"So today obviously went pretty well.. why don't we celebrate?" Sarah asks as she walks over to the bar, opens the cabinet, and grabs a bottle of very expensive wine.

"Not much to celebrate. He only got five years." I shrug.
"Oh come on, there's always a reason to drink eight hundred pound wine with your assistant." She smiles as she pours the glasses, walking back towards me. She's not wrong. I won't turn down a glass of nice wine. Good day or not, I need it.

"Yeah, I'll take it." I nod, putting my hand out. She hands me the glass and takes a seat next to me, sitting a little too close. This is when I finally take notice of her outfit. Normally she wears a pantsuit but tonight she's wearing a very short dress with a high slit on the right side. This is not work attire at all.
"You seem stressed, let me give you a back massage." She offers.
"Oh, no I'm okay." I smile.
"Please, I insist."

She sets her glass down, and her fingers begin to press into my shoulders. I move uncomfortably in my seat, and she moves one hand to run through my hair.
"I think you like it.. a lot." She mumbles as she rests her head lower. I don't catch on to what she's doing until I feel her uncomfortably wet lips press to the skin of my neck. I jump up instantly, almost spilling my wine on the floor.
"Sarah, that was very unprofessional," I state.
"You've been flirting with me this whole time!" She exclaims.
"I have not." I gasp.
"Yes, you have! It's obvious!" She tries.
"No, I haven't because I'm in love with my wife!" I practically yell at her, my words shocking me slightly. That's why that felt so wrong.. because of Lia.

"I love my wife. She's the only woman I want to be with."