All I Want 3

•3•

Warning: this chapter deals with topics that may be triggering to some readers.

"Remember Lia, you're the victim here. You don't have to convince the judge of anything.. just tell them what happened and everything will go smoothly." My lawyer tells me as we have our last meeting before we go to court and attempt to get Derek thrown in jail for good, or at least for a while. If two attempted murders don't get him at least ten or more years, I don't know what will.

"What will happen if he doesn't go to jail?" I ask.
"I have no doubts that he will, we have video evidence." She shakes her head.
"I just want to know. if for some reason he doesn't go to jail, what happens?"
She sighs, setting her things down and giving me a serious look.
"There's not much that can be done. But that's not going to happen. I promise."
Sadly I can't take promises too seriously anymore. Tom broke that trust.

There's a knock on the door, and it opens to reveal Tom. Why does he keep showing up? I liked it better when I was able to go a week straight without seeing him.
"Sorry, I'm a bit early." He says.
He's not sorry. He's early on purpose. Tom is normally the kind of person to be late to everything but he knew I was there. He's trying to be 'friends' but he doesn't realize that being just friends is the last thing I want. I can't be friends with him. He needs to stop trying.

"Actually it's great that you're here early. Preparing you guys together will help. They're going to try to find even the smallest differences in your stories and use them against you." She starts. "So tell the complete truth, and make sure everything lines up."
Tom nods, and looks over at me, making eye contact. I quickly look down, and he moves to take a seat.
"So we shouldn't have a problem then.. we both remember exactly what happened. We have video proof. We're going to get him thrown in jail." Tom says more to me than anyone else. He takes my hand, and I feel a spark. The same spark I felt when we almost kissed in my kitchen in the first few days we met. I still love him. I fucking hate that I still love him. It makes me even angrier with him.
"He's never going to bother you again. I promise."

I quickly walk out of the office as soon as we finish, trying to avoid any further interaction with Tom. It's not that I don't want to be around him or talk to him. It's that I can't handle it. I just can't. It hurts.
"Lia wait!" He calls.
I stop in my place with a sigh, bummed that I wasn't quick enough to avoid him.
"You can't avoid me forever." He laughs slightly as if any of this is funny.
"Tom.. please just give me time," I ask.
He gives me a confused look but there's really nothing to be confused about. He left me. He abandoned me when he swore to me that he wouldn't. Anyone would need space after that.
"It's been two weeks Lia.." he tries.
"Two weeks doesn't erase the years we've had together." I shake my head and begin to walk away.

He grabs my arm, pulling me back to him and I pull it away quickly, glaring at him.
"You don't get to do this," I say.
"Do what?" He asks.
"Act like everything's okay! Nothing is fucking okay! I'm not fucking okay!" I yell at him, breaking down into tears.
"Sweetheart-"
"Don't call me that," I say with hurt in my voice. "You don't get to call me that anymore."
"Lia I didn't mean to hurt you." He frowns.
I wipe the tears that have now fallen to my cheeks and look him straight in the eyes.
"You didn't just hurt me. You broke me. And now you need to give me the time that I need to put myself back together." I say and walk away. 

_____

I drive straight to Haz's house, knowing it would be better for me to not be alone right now with how upset I am. As soon as I pull up and see their car is gone, I realize they're having a day out together. Perfect. I stay parked outside and think of what else I could do to distract myself. I start to feel my mind wander and panic settles into my fingertips. I can't let this happen.

Pulling out my phone and dialing my mum's number, I'm shocked to be instantly sent to voice mail. Right now is not the time for everyone to be ignoring me. I have no one else that I can reach out to. Tom used to be my number one support system and now I'm alone. I have to deal with this trauma by myself but I don't know how. I don't think I can.

"Mum. It's me.. call me please." I leave the voicemail and hang up, starting the car again. 

I drive home, going inside with tears already slipping my eyes. It feels like I never stop crying. After all that has happened, I'm not myself anymore, and I don't know that I ever will be again. I feel hopeless. There's no fixing this, and there is no coming back from this. I'm going to be stuck in this depressive state forever. I walk into the kitchen and grab the bottle of antidepressants that I have to take every single day, opening it up and grabbing one out. I pop it on my tongue and pour a glass of water, downing it. 

My hands rest on the kitchen counter, my gaze landing on the bottle of pills once more. If I just took a small handful. I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.. no more pain. No anger. No sadness. It would all be gone. I could be free from the hurt that this cruel world has caused me. Tears stream down my cheeks as I snap out of the daze I'm in, stepping away from the pills quickly. No.. why am I thinking like this?..

Quickly pulling out my phone, I go to call the one person I know will be there for me and get me out of this headspace. The one person I knew I could count on, even after all that has happened. Tom. My thumb hovers over the call button, debating whether or not I want to go through with it. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. It takes a minute, but I finally press call, the first ring sound making my anxiety worsen. Why am I doing this?

"Hello?" A woman's voice answers.
Oh my god. it's not Lydia. It's a woman I don't know. why is he with someone right now?
"Is- is Tom available?" I ask.
"Who is this?" She asks.
No way he has some random girl asking who I am.
"Lia," I answer.
"Sorry. I haven't heard of you and he's busy."
The phone hangs up, and I drop it from my ear. He's moved on already?.. and hasn't even talked about me? How can he forget about me so quickly and easily? This is more painful than I thought it was going to be. I knew this day would come. I just didn't think it would come so quickly.

"He doesn't care anymore.." I mutter to myself.
I once again find myself staring at the bottle of pills. I'd just have to pour them into my hand, put them into my mouth, and drown them with water. It would be that simple. That easy. It could end all of this pain. I mean.. there's really no reason to stay here anymore.. no one needs me. Everyone is happy and content, they would be fine without me. If I just took the pills.

The front door bursts open and I set the bottle down quickly, turning to see who's just practically broken in.
"Auntie Lia!" Evangeline says happily as she runs through the door, hugging my legs. Her little arms squeezing around me brings a fiery pain to my entire body. I can't believe I was contemplating leaving this little girl.
"I'm gonna go put my backpack away!" She announces and skips down the hall.
Sam looks at me, catching on that something is wrong almost instantly. He doesn't even have to say anything, and the tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"Hey.. come here." He sighs, pulling me into a hug. I was never super close to Tom's brothers, but they care. A lot. And right now that's all I need.
"I know everything that went down with Tom is getting to you right now, but you can't let it break you. You're a very very strong girl. You're going to get through this."
I pull from the hug, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"You think so?" I ask.
"I know so. He's going to have a much harder time than you are. Guaranteed." He says. "Just give it time."

I don't want Tom to have to feel the pain I'm feeling right now. I don't want this breakup to be hard on him. I don't want him to feel the exact same way I feel but if sam is right, if Tom will end up as hurt as I am now.. maybe he will come back. Maybe he will want me again.
That's all want anymore... is for the one guy on this planet that I'm in love with to want me once again.