Furciferous || Soukoku

20|| Promise Me That You Won't Do That Ever Again [Happy Birthday Nikolai]

Hello ^-^! 

This chapter is for Nikolai's birthday! 

Happy birthday to our clown ^-^! 

A small warning!

This chapter contains angst and fluff, past self harm and abuse. If you don't like it or if you are affected by these things easily, please don't read the chapter. If you still read despite my warnings, I won't accept any responsibility and I definitely won't tolerate any hate comments. 

Anyway enjoy ^-^! 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Chuuya was sitting in front of Dazai, crossed his arms and waiting for an explanation from Dazai. Dazai, on the other hand, couldn't look at Chuuya in the eyes.

"Dazai, I'm waiting for an explanation." Chuuya broke the unnerving silence. "How do you know these?" He had seen Dazai's body a few times. So he knew Dazai didn't use drugs. About the other suicide methods... If he tried any of them he wouldn't be alive now... 

Dazai didn't wear bandages anymore, but he would still wear long sleeved shirts even if the weather was hot or he would wear bandages around his wrists if he had to wear short sleeved  t-shirts.

Because the worst scars were around his wrists... 

"Dazai, please tell me." Chuuya pleaded. "I want to help you." 

Chuuya had to wait patiently two or three minutes until he could finally got the courage to speak. Dazai swallowed the lump in his throat. "It's because... I researched the most painless suicide method..." He eventually spoke with a shaky voice.

Chuuya hugged Dazai. He could understand Dazai. He didn't have a bright childhood either. He had to live with different people as foster families. He never knew his parents. When he was 18, he left the last foster family he had to live with. He didn't try to look for his biological parents. After all they were the one who left him in an orphanage like a dirt. 

He couldn't be mad at Dazai at that moment. It would only make things worse. He pulled Dazai close and hugged him. "Promise me Dazai. Promise me that you won't cut yourself anymore." Chuuya hugged Dazai tighter, pressing him again his chest. "Just promise me Dazai."

"I promise." Dazai said with a shaky voice and hugged Chuuya back. Dazai, normally, never liked being hold that tight, but he liked it as long as the person who was holding him was Chuuya. 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

[Fyodor and Nikolai Private Chat]

 Fedya💙​: Actually I may suck about this, but I will try my best.

Fedya💙​: Happy birthday, Nikolai.

Fedya💙​: I hope you will have the best day of your life.

Fedya💙​: You are the best person I have ever met and I'm so happy to have you in my life.

Fedya💙​:  I feel so lucky.

Fedya💙​: I hope you will have a wonderful day and a year ahead. 

Fedya💙​: I love you moon and back Nikolai 💚​💚​💚​💚​.

Kolya💚​: I love you so much too Fyodor 💙​💙​💙​💙​. 

Fedya💙​: Open the door.

Kolya💚​: Huh? 

Fedya💙​: I have a surprise for you.  

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Nikolai was confused as soon as he saw the text and he opened the door. As soon as he opened the door, Fyodor jumped on him and kissed him hard on the lips. It was unusual for Fyodor. Nikolai was surprised, but he couldn't deny the fact that he liked it. He lost his balance slightly. They could hardly close the door. 

The kiss was intimate and passionate. Nikolai liked it. Fyodor's hands were roaming all over Nikolai's body under the thin white shirt he was wearing. They broke the kiss after a few minutes trying to catch their breaths. 

"Fyodor." Nikolai spoke as soon as he caught his breath. "I guess it is time to tell you about my past and about the distress I felt in our last meet." He said as he held Fyodor's hand and leaded him to the bed. 

Fyodor nodded his head. He noticed the things Nikolai was going to tell were really difficult for him. He could say that Nikolai didn't have a good past by looking at the vertical cut scar which started from the under his rib to his groin. He wanted to ask every time, but he never had the courage or maybe he just didn't want to trigger Nikolai's past trauma. 

Nikolai took a deep breath. "My mother and father made an arranged marriage. They never loved each other. My mother was never disrespectful to him though. She showed him a lot of respect even though he didn't deserve it. You know feelings are mutual. He never loved me and I never loved him. I didn't try though. I just didn't feel like it... Same for my older sister Mykhaila. She was not the best sister someone could have, but she was not the worst either. My relationship with her was casual. We would barely talk. She was always outside. She would stay over either in her best friend's house or in her boyfriend's house. Actually when I look back now, I don't really blame her." Nikolai gave a sad smile. "Who would stay in a house with the parents who were constantly yelling? I didn't have friends. You know how people are cruel when they are in middle school and in high school. They would just bully at others who were different from them. Peer bullying was the reason why this scar." Nikolai pointed the vertical scar on his left eye. "No one did that to me though, I did it myself. I wanted to rip this eye out. I would prefer to live with a blind eye instead of having the same eye color with my so called father. Anyway, I would just wear my headphones and turn the music volume to maximum level to block out their yellings."  

"Oh..." This was all Fyodor could say. 

"About this scar..." Nikolai lifted his shirt up revealing the long, vertical scar on his abdomen. "The person who did this to me was my own father... He was so drunk that day and he began fighting with my mother. Fortunately, I didn't wear my headphones that day so I heard their yellings. I heard everything... My father's cussing... His insults... The shattering voices of the broken glasses and plates... This was more serious than their usual fights. I immediately ran to the kitchen. He was holding a sharp knife. I lost all my common sense at that moment. Without thinking I jumped in front of the knife. The next thing I remember was darkness. I woke up in a hospital bed. My mother was by my side and she was worried about me. I had seven stitches." 

Fyodor had listened Nikolai patiently without interrupting him. Then he asked the question which he was curious about. "Why were you so distressed that day?" 

"My father will come to see me..." Nikolai said. His lower lip was shaking as he was about to cry. 

It was unusual to see Nikolai like that for Fyodor. He hugged Nikolai. "Nikolai, no matter what happens, I will always be with you." He kissed Nikolai. 

Nikolai closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Fyodor's waist pulling him closer. 

He felt safe that much for the first time after a long time.

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Bungou Stray Dogs season 4 ended, but season 5 will come on July! 

I can't wait for it! 

I'm both sad and happy. I'm also excited. Because chapter 101 may be animated in season 5... I'm not ready for it even though I know what will happen next... 

Anyway, I love you all ^-^! 

See you in next chapters >~<~!