Furciferous || Soukoku

48|| Touched By Trauma

Hello ^-^! 

Welcome to the third update of today! 

Make sure that you didn't skip previous two chapters >~<! 

I guess there is no need for warnings for this chapter. But I will still say the same thing as I said in almost every chapter: I won't tolerate any kind of hate comments or insults. 

Enjoy ^-^! 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Tecchou was an enigma.

He had two major problems which made his life a hell.

Growing up in a home with adoring parents, Tecchou couldn't understand why he couldn't feel what they felt. His parents would give him gifts and shower him with love, but Tecchou couldn't bring himself to feel true joy or happiness like they did. It was like there was a barrier between Tecchou and the world.

He felt distant from others, even from his own parents. He couldn't understand why he felt different or why he was so disconnected from them. Even when his parents asked how he felt, he would just say that he was fine, because he just didn't know what other answer to give.

Little did Tecchou know, he had inherited a mental affliction from his father's side, alexithymia. Alexithymia was a disorder characterized by difficulty in understanding, processing and communicating one's own emotions.

Moreover, whenever someone approached Tecchou, he would stiffen up and try to make himself as small as possible. The panicky feeling in his chest was overwhelming and he couldn't shake the fear that everyone was silently judging him. His parents were worried and didn't understand why their son was acting like that.

They took Tecchou to doctors all around the town to try to figure out the root cause of his fear. After many tests, the doctors were unable to find a cause and chalked his fear to anxiety. Tecchou's parents were relieved when the doctors assured them that his fear was not an indication of any sort of mental or psychological issue.

Growing up, this disorder made life difficult for Tecchou in the ways he didn't realize. He was unable to recognize and engage in conversations about feelings because he couldn't even perceive his own. He was unable to take the initiative to connect with others for fear of looking vulnerable and weak.

In high school, as his peers discussed their feelings and shared experiences, Tecchou felt even more isolated and misunderstood. He simply had no way of contributing or sharing his true self, as he could not even discover his true self.

He often felt like he was missing out something special that everyone else around him seemed to share. What was it that he was missing? This question often plagued him as he grew older, but he still couldn't put his finger on it.

Also, Tecchou had been living with haphephobia from a young age, after an experience in the first grade that had left him traumatized which he never told to his parents or to anyone. He was constantly uncomfortable around people, terrified that they would touch him.

That day when he developed this phobia which ruined his life, Tecchou was walking home from school when he noticed a strange man in strange clothes was following him. Tecchou was scared and started running away, but the man caught up and grabbed him. He was touching Tecchou in ways which an adult shouldn't to a child, but luckily Tecchou managed to break away and ran home. This traumatizing experience left Tecchou with a severe fear of being touched and he would avoid eye contact and close himself off from others to keep them.

He never liked being held by her parents or family and when children at school reached out to her, he would pull back panicking. For Tecchou, the happiness and security of the other children that exchanged hugs and high-fives were a mystery to him.

Even his family could barely hug him without him becoming agitated and shaking.

So, because of having this problem besides alexithymia, Tecchou had a hard time making friends. No one wanted to be around someone who wouldn't even let them hug him or hold his hand. Tecchou was constantly afraid of people who wanted to get close to him. As a result, he isolated himself from everyone around him. Unfortunately, this caused only developing some unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive online gaming and junk food binges.

Tecchou's parents were extremely worried. They tried to get him help, but he wouldn't open up about what he was feeling or why he had this fear. His parents eventually convinced him to see a psychiatrist who prescribed him medication for his anxiety and also recommended he have regular therapy sessions. The medication helped to lessen his fear, but it didn't completely eliminate it. However, Tecchou never accepted to go therapy sessions since he didn't want to re-live the trauma he had that day which left the treatment incompleted and caused him not to improve his mental health.

However, when Tecchou met with Jouno and when they touched each other for the first time, he noticed sometimes touches were nothing to be scared of. Sometimes they could be really comforting. For the first time in his life, Tecchou experienced the warmth of another person's touch and it felt wonderful.

It was not like Tecchou was no longer scared of physical contact, but he should have admitted that he was kind of wrong. He began to rely on Jouno for emotional and physical comfort.

However, when Jouno told Tecchou that he was in love with him, Tecchou was... Surprised... Confused... As a person who has alexithymia, feelings were... Unknown... They were just indescribable... They were unfamiliar...

That's why he didn't know how to respond to Jouno's feelings. That's why he had rejected Jouno's feelings.

However, Tecchou felt something different... Something he had never felt before... He couldn't explain it, but he knew something had changed. He didn't quite understand what it was, he was even scared of it, but he was drawn to it.

It took Tecchou some time to process the words "I love you" and understand what it actually meant. He wasn't sure what to do or say, but he knew that he felt something special and his heart was pounding. He felt an inexplicable warmth that threatened to overwhelm him. It was a strange sensation, but a good one.

Finally, Tecchou gave a small smile, not knowing what to say, only that he was happy that the other knew how he felt.   

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

2 more chapters will be updated ^-^! 

If you like my story, please stay tuned ^-^!