𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐀 𝐏𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐨

𝟏𝟏

𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧-𝐗

𝐀𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐍

"MOM!" She screams shooting up from my arms, gasping for air.

I wrap my arms around her shaking frame holding her tight, when starts to thrash in my arms blindly.

"Nixie.....Nixie....calm down...." I chant but it's all so futile as she screams and her legs kicking the air as if they are on fire.

"Aerona, it's me....baby it's me!" I raise my voice, desperately trying to make her hear me in her panicked state, holding her head against my chest as she keeps thrashing in my grip and I just know whatever sick nightmare-no it wasn't a nightmare, it was a flashback of that nightmarish life she used to live.

Muffled screams makes past her lips as her eyes remains squeezed shut, I can hear her heart thrashing against her ribcage like a sports car.

So fast it is scaring me.

It has been a while almost one and half year she last had any kind of C-ptsd episodes.

I nearly forgot the intensity of how hard this episodes hits her at times, when she falls completely immobile paralysed in her body re-experiencing a traumatic moment of her life.

And it enrages me so much that there is nothing more I can do than just hold her like this and try my best to calm her down.

I want to erase all those horrible memories and I almost for a second I thought I did.

But that's the truth about past.

You can never ever completely erase it like I can't mine.

It keeps coming back to haunt you.

The second I think about the flower my blood boils.

"𝑺𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈?" 𝑺𝒆𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒃𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒅 𝒆𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔, 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒎 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆.

"𝒀𝒆𝒔." 𝑰 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒆, 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆.

𝑰 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌.

𝑺𝒆𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒏𝒈.

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒔.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑲𝒊𝒂𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒅 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕.

𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕.