warming-smut is included
Ethan's POV
Chad and I are the best of friends. We live together and do almost everything together. We're constantly hanging out and in public doing something or at home chilling. We often watch TV together or listen to music.
He's a big Frank Ocean fan so he plays him a lot. I play Steve Lacy, Tyler, The Creator, and TV Girl a lot. He acts like he doesn't like TV Girl but I know he does. He even sends me TV Girl related things on instagram. He cares about my interests :).
We're also kinda touchy with each other. It's not like we're on top of each other kissing but like slight touching. Like I lay on his shoulder, he has a hand on me, like on my leg or arm, and we sometimes hold hands when walking through crowded places.
I'm very anxious in public places and he knows that. He orders my food for me, helps me talk to cashiers, and grabs my hand in crowded places. He leads me through crowds so I don't have an anxiety attack. I appreciate him so much.
People always asked if we were dating but we aren't, well we technically aren't but we are. Like we aren't dating dating but we're fake dating.
We're fake dating because Chad wants his ex, Tara, back. They broke up because she wanted someone else at our college. I've tried telling Chad to let her go but he won't listen. So he came up with the idea to fake date me to get her back. I agreed to do it without really thinking.
I'm pissed at myself for agreeing because I know it's going to cause me pain. It's going to cause me pain because I like Chad, like I actually have feelings for him. It makes it worse because I know he doesn't like me back, he likes Tara. He wants her, not me.
I agreed to fake dating him so I could share some more "intimate" moments with him. We agreed to only act like we're dating in public. We'll just act the same as before in private. It's hard to not want to be even more touchy in private after being so touchy in public but I respect his boundaries.
It just sucks because every moment we share is fake. I make myself believe it's real because it's my crush but I know he doesn't think the same thing. It also sucks because I've never dated anyone before nor did anything so he's taking all of my firsts, all of my firsts are fake.
My first kiss was fake. My first time being posted was fake. My first date was fake. It sucks, so much. But I'm going to keep it up so it doesn't hurt Chad. I want him to get the person he loves so much back, even if I don't agree that he should get back with them. I just want him to be happy, even if it's not with me.
This fake dating thing has been going on for two months now. Everyone in the friend group love us "together". No one knows that our relationship is actually fake. They witnessed our first kiss and it was a nice moment. They all screamed and got really happy, Mindy looked so happy for her brother. She knew how much pain Tara caused him and just wants him happy.
Each day that passes, I fall harder for him. I didn't even know it was possible to but it is. Chad hasn't fallen for me, I see the way he looks at Tara. I never get the looks she gets from him. I just wish I could be her, I wish Chad would like me like he likes her.
Chad is currently in the shower. I'm in my room getting ready for a party the girls want to go to. The girls, excluding Tara, said they wanted their favorite couple there. Tara hates us but I can't tell if it's because I'm "dating" her ex, or because she wants Chad back. I'm not sure.
I put on a simple party outfit since the party was casual. I put on black jeans, a light purple t-shirt, and white converse. I don't really dress up for parties. I don't really want to go because I can't flirt with anyone there. It would be "cheating".
