YOU HAVE ME ~ JAKE SULLY

6

I listened to my brother and his wife talk about their days in the kitchen as I started to clean and tidy up the place. I glanced up at them as I started to set the table, seeing Ninat laugh at something Mian said, while Mian just stared at her. Completely overtaken by her.

I want that.

It was rare that I longed to have someone to stand beside. Besides the fact that most Omatikaya women were married off by my age, I was quite content with my single life. I really was happy alone. But I won't lie and say that it's been smooth sailing like this.

I've been in relationships, some ending just because it wasn't working, and two other ones ending horribly. I just wasn't going to keep dating around until I knew. I put myself in so many bad situations when I was younger, wanting to be loved by someone. I won't do it anymore.

But... sometimes I do wonder if something is wrong with me. Why I didn't get all the attention some of the other women did? Why I wasn't married yet or at least seeing someone? Why it's been so long since another has shown interest in me? It can start to make someone feel somewhat empty.

I don't place my value in having a partner, It's really not about that. But I do wonder why no one seems to see me in that light. I think these things, knowing that in just a couple hours I'll be back in my 'fuck men, I'll stay single' mindset.

I didn't like being in this current mindset.

I continued to set the table, breaking myself out of my thoughts and looking to focus on something else. Anything else.

My thoughts led me all over the place, trying to find something worth thinking about as I continued setting the table. What training would be like? What areas of the deep forest interest me the most? How humid it is down here compared to the upper forest. The difference between our two clans eyecolor. How long it has been since I've practiced shooting.

And finally... him.

I swear, my wandering thoughts always led me down this road. I shook my head, I didn't want to think about it anymore. It wasn't an option for me. He wasn't an option for me.

Jake was Toruk Makto, most likely looking for a wife so he can take his Olo'eyktan role for the deep forest Omatikaya. He was a military man, he's seen and done unimaginable things.

He carried himself well, there was no arguing with that. He was intimidating, scary sometimes if you allow yourself to get there. But he knew how to disarm himself, to make people around him comfortable. He was confident, hugging the line between confident and cocky. Challenges don't scare him, or even make him angry, but he wants and welcomes it. Only someone genuinely secure in themselves could take that approach.

He knew the forest and the clan like no other, they meant something personal to him. I admire that. He knew the answers to everything, he had a way of bringing peace over the people. If Jake was freaking out about something, you certainly didn't know.

And the more I think of him, the more reasons I find to be more than just physically attracted. But I cannot. As I said, It's not an option for me. Plus, I just have a feeling that when we start training, we'll be bumping heads quite a lot.

My thoughts were broken off by the sound of Mian, "Nessa, you okay over there? You've been setting that table for quite a while now." He chuckled at me.

I was basically in the same position I was in when I started thinking about Jake. My hand still on the fork I was setting down on the napkin, knee propped up on a chair for support.

I rolled my eyes at him, "Still set a better table than you, ass hole." I said sarcastically, looking at him and squinting my eyes before moving on to the next seat.