YOU HAVE ME ~ JAKE SULLY

14

We arrived back at home tree and, as soon as we landed, Nessa just disappeared. She hopped off her Ikran and immediately started walking away, I thought to call for her and walk after her, but I let her go.

I could tell there's been something going on for the past couple days. She's been having moments where the emotionless stare goes away and some sort of light pops up in her eyes, or on the complete opposite side of the spectrum, outbursts of frustration or anger. I've wanted to say something to her, to let her know I was here but it wasn't my place.

What she said that day in the main bunker was right, we didn't really know each other all that well. We were getting to know each other, but we weren't super close.

Which means it's not my place to be the one to take care of her, not if she doesn't want me to.

It's been hard to look at her the past few months. Seeing how broken but also absolutely empty she was. It wasn't her, it wasn't the same girl I met the first week.

Mian told me she would come to a breaking point, that she'll have a moment where it all comes crashing in. He said it was a good thing, that it meant she was finally returning back to normal, but he also told me how heartbreaking and exhausting for her it's been in the past.

He told me that the last time this happened, her breaking point went on for nineteen hours. That she couldn't eat or sleep, all she can do is allow the waves of different emotions to come and pass.

I could tell it was getting to that point, the small glimpses of emotion returning to her face that I'd been seeing the past few days, what just happened back at the main bunker.

I knew she was about to break, and I wanted nothing more than to be the one there to help her. But I knew that role wasn't for me.

I started on my journey to my house from the center of home tree, deciding to take a long way. It was a nicer walk and I enjoyed all the animals I came in contact with.

I thought about Ness the whole way.

I thought about that first week, and how I know there was something growing between us.

I thought about her touch and how much I just wanted to feel it again. Even if it was just a hand placed on my back like that night she wanted me to stay for dinner.

The night that everything happened.

I sometimes think that if I had decided not to eat with them that night, then none of this would've happened.

I thought about how much I cared for her. A person I barely know, but a person I want to know more of so badly.

I thought about how outspoken she was, and is, and how much I admire that quality in her.

I thought about how beautiful her hair is, and how much I love that she leaves her hair out of braids and flowy.

I don't think she'll ever really know how much I think about her, but I wanted her to know so badly.

I wanted to tell her how she encompasses my thoughts, I wanted to show her how much I've grown to care for her. Even while she's been doing everything to push me away these past months.

I arrived back home, smiling when I saw Mo'at already home. She was sitting on the couch, knitting what looks to be a new blanket. She looked up when she heard my feet against the wood of the flooring, smiling gently back at me.

"My son, how was your day?"

I shrugged, "It was good, not over yet though. The sun is still up so I thought I'd go for a fly, maybe see if I can get my braids re-done. Been thinking about shaving the sides of my head and keeping the rest braided."