YOU HAVE ME ~ JAKE SULLY

22.5

I calmed down about ten minutes ago, but Jake didn't let me go. Instead, he still had me cradled in his arms, our foreheads pressed together as he rocks slightly side to side.

The back of his pointer finger stroking gently on my cheek. My breathing evened out and I was still holding on to him for dear life. I felt like a child in his arms but I didn't care.

I deserved it. I deserved to be taken care of like a child, to be held and comforted in the ways I should have when I actually was a child.

My hand came up to rest on the side of his head, my thumb brushing his jawline. The hand Jake was using to stroke my face came up to grab my forearm gently, turning his face to kiss the inside of my wrist.

He came down to plant a soft kiss to my forehead before resting his forehead back against mine.

"Jake," I croaked out, I sounded like a eighty year old smoker.

His eyes looked directly in to mine, "We don't have to talk about it anymore," he whispered, his breath hitting my lips.

I nodded weakly, "I know, I just-.." I cleared my throat, resting the the side of my head on his chest which caused our foreheads to disconnect, "You're so good to me."

It wasn't what I wanted to say, but it's all I was thinking at the moment.

Jake's hand came up to smooth over my hair, "More people should have been," he muttered before pressing a kiss to my temple.

My hand dropped from his face to his chest, his hand coming to rub up and down my forearm.

Jake's veil was still drawn back, every emotion he felt was free to be seen and explored by me. I like this Jake, the Jake that only I was allowed to see. Only I was allowed to experience.

I love him.

And it was the first time I fully thought that. A couple weeks in, I remember thinking 'I really like him'. Then it was 'I could fall for him.' Then 'I think I'm starting to love him.'

And now.

I love him. I know I do. I wasn't ready to say it, and it may be a little bit longer before I am, but I'm absolutely sure of it.

"Hey, I'm gonna stand up okay?" Jake whispered, breaking through my thoughts.

I just nod my head against his chest as I feel him push himself to his with knees, sliding backwards off the bed. He walked around to the other side, setting me down.

He slipped the blanket out from under me, folding it over top of me. He pressed a long, soft, kiss to my forehead before going to stand back up.

I grabbed his bicep, saying nothing but looking at him with eyes that were begging him not to go.

He placed his hand over mine, "Hey, it's okay," leaning back down and planting a kiss on my lips, "I'm just gonna get you water and tea, I'll be right back."

I didn't want him to go, but I knew if I didn't drink any water that a migraine was soon going to split my head open.

I just nod my head, dropping my hand back down to my side as he offered me a small smile before walking out into his living room and kitchen.

I could hear him in the kitchen as I stare up at his ceiling. I was too emotionally exhausted to think about much of anything, small thoughts popped in and out of my head but nothing more.

I thought about how gentle Jake was. Behind that military, war leader, exterior was a man who knew how to sit with other people in uncomfortable emotions.

I thought about how much I missed Yekam and my parents.

Thought about how I could never bring myself to blame my parents, I really don't think they knew the reality of the guys they set me up with... but a part of me wishes they would've just noticed.

The thoughts were fleeting, emotions that already existed reminding me that they're still there. Still waiting to be explored further.

But I didn't. I couldn't right now. Of course, that's what I normally say to dismiss them.

I felt Jake's presence back in the room before I saw him come into view. He walked over to my side of the bed, sitting on the edge while also setting two cups down on the nightstand.

I took a deep breath before pushing myself to sit up, pressing my back against the headboard for support.

I looked at Jake with exhausted eyes, feeling his hand slide on to my thigh. His thumb immediately rubbing in circles.

"Here, baby," he said while reaching for the glass of water and two pills I'd never seen before.

He handed me the water and mumbled a 'here' before extending his hand with the pills in it. I opened my palm and looked up at him with confusion written on my face.

"Ibuprofen, medicine from earth. Mo'at always scolds me for keeping some around but it works, especially for headaches."

I nod my head and swallowed the two pills without another question. I'm convinced after today, that Jake could ask anything of me and I would wholly trust him. No matter how ridiculous.

Jake slid a hand across my cheek, his fingers resting on my upper neck with his palm and thumb on my cheek.

I locked eyes with him as he spoke, "I know it was hard to open up like that. Thank you," his thumb brushed back and forth against my cheek bone, "for trusting me with those parts of you."

I smiled weakly, but it was genuine. I have so much admiration for him.

Everyday I see a new part of Jake, a new piece of him only I get to have. And everyday, Jake's puzzle starts to reveal a picture. Everything about him was intensely connected, every action, emotion, and thought.

I'm not sure the root of that connection just yet, but I hope I get the privilege of knowing one day.

I love him.

The words are clear as they pass through my thoughts. Revealing themselves before exiting again.

Jake leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, then another soft kiss against my temple.

"You should get some rest, love," he whispered as he pulled back, "I'll tell Mian you weren't feeling well and I offered my place to you because you didn't want to disturb Ninat."

"We should tell him... about us," my voice was weak and the words left my lips before my brain processed them.

"We will. Let's talk about it tomorrow," he stood up as I got cozy laying back down.

He placed a hand beside my head as he leaned back down, placing one more kiss on my lips, "For now, the only thing you should worry about is rest."

I rolled over to my side, looking up at him with a small smile. Jake clicked the button on his nightstand, the screen popping up.

"I'll come back in a couple hours, beautiful," he tapped the screen, the lights dimming until they shut off.

I immediately closed my eyes, hearing Jake draw the curtain closed on the balcony, walk out of the room, and draw the privacy curtain.

Sleep came over me quickly, my thoughts going quiet as my body shut itself down to rest.