the pain that i'm in right now. >>>>>>
the way that it hurts. >>>>>>>
the way my heart hurts. >>>>>>
i love it. i love pain. i frickin love it.
I DON'T WANT TO LOOK NORMAL GOSHDANGIT.
WHY DO I?
I'M SO SICK OF MYSELF. SO SICK OF MY USELESS STRENGTH. WHY.
OH MY GOD.
i thought i'm in faith. but my deep-, DEEP-rooted negativity always wins over and i always trip.
maybe that's why my prayers gave up and didn't get to the stage of acceptance. maybe that's why.
i want to die. ramzan is gone, and i wished it'd take me with it.
i want to be patient, but look where it's got me? i'm FORCED TO ACT ALL CHARMING (normal, i mean. sorry, i'm so sarcastic right now) WITH MY... GOD NO I CANNOT. I CANNOT. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.
...with people i don't want to please or even be associated with and this is a HUGE "decision," it's literally about my life and i have zero, zero say in anything. a decision done for me despite my protests.
why? God has given us this right and the right to act on whatever your heart's pulling you to: i.e., if your heart feels okay, do it; if it doesn't, by no means should you do it.
my heart's a fucking sick thing. so fucking wicked. terrible. oh my God...
