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hi, dear diary.

this was the first eid after...that incident i don't like to talk about that turned my whole world upside down and crushed me in a million tiny pieces never to be assembled back again.

how did i not expect this huge crushing weight of everyone's...happiness falling on my tiny little shoulders? i was happy about eid, which is a good thing, but why did it never occur to me even for a second that this was inevitable?

i... it killed another part of me that i'll never get back. i'm not happy, and yet everyone's happy for me. my life really is a funny thing, isn't it?

God, this is ridiculous.

why?

i...

i'm really trying my best to be normal and not let anything crush me further and really trying to stay in the moment, but the constant reminders that i'm fucked forever, the shorter versions of the crushing weight from this eid, are trying to haunt me.

i'm trying to stay hopeful and have full trust, and i just...

why?

why this?

why?

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