oh, dear diary,
something beautiful just happened. i don't understand entirely what happened or its beauty but i know it was something beautiful. something just shifted inside me. something changed in my imaan that had been weakening for weeks now.
i... i raised my hands in dua after weeks!
i was patting our cat (it's weird calling him our cat but he's become like a member of our family; strange turn of events) and... i'll cry if i tried to explain the whole encounter with him. i felt so much love for him i almost cried.
i was thinking about the amount of trust there needs to be in a cat's heart for said cat to be able to fall asleep inside a locked house voluntarily, and that too a stray cat.
i was thinking that he trusts me. i was feeling so warm all over thinking that.
of course i don't touch him. (i always keep a layer of cloth between my hand and him and he still purrs which means he likes me; don't ask me why, i almost physically just can't touch any animal.) i probably don't love him the most out of our family. it's true all of us collectively (but especially my youngest sister) built his trust to where it is now and the credit is not at all mine.
but he trusts me.
i felt such humble pride over it and so much love watching him asleep that i almost cried.
i was having that serene moment and i was praying fajr beside where he was sleeping because he'd wake up if i left and when i was done and reciting after-prayer tasbeehat, i was just watching him and thinking about how beautiful and innocent he looks, something snapped in my hopeless heart.
i actually almost automatically raised my hands in prayer and for the very first moment it felt like i'd never even stopped. it felt like i'd always been praying post-namaz this same way and i cried as i prayed because i had no words.
i've lost, and my heart has no reason to hold on or go on, so i cried and asked Him because He knows what my heart and i need.
i love him, and this moment is why he's now become all the more important to me.
i thought about sharing this story on instagram but then thought better of it and instead here i am (the fewer people know, the better). i wanted to capture this moment, and you and i both know my way of capturing things is not with a camera, it's with words. more than that, i wanted to share it.
yours yours yours.
