they ask me: do you not trust me? do you not trust Allah?
how do i tell them that i also cannot stop trusting my heart? i wish i could. i wish i could strangle this heart to death, this source of all chaos. but this right is also blessed upon me from Allah, to trust my gut, to follow what my heart is leaning to: a yes or a no. this heart is also the closest to Allah, it's also the source of all good things, so how do i stop feeling it? i practically cannot stop. it's out of my grasp. so i just continue to burn in this turmoil and curse my stupid self because this is what my sinner little self deserves. this is what i get for being the fucked up me that i am, even though none of it is my fault.
