that was a pure farewell. i'm smiling, i didn't realize it could be. and even after coming to this conclusion that it's not true love, i smiled brightly.
yes, i smiled thinking about you yesterday. i wept before that. what matters is i smiled. i smiled afterwards. i did.
i don't know about you, i don't at all, but i know about myself.
oh you had said that you're selfish, for loving me? so what's this conclusion that i came to yesterday, elaborately?
conclusion of last night, momentary: my love was never out of love. heck, i didn't even pray for you in every circumstances, in the most intensity, so i am more selfish than you, than anyone.
deeper conclusion: no one is more selfish than me.
more deep conclusion: i'm selfish.
i'm selfish.
my love was never not selfish. it was never out of pure love for you. uh huh, never selfless. never really unconditional.
did i lie to you about it then?
no.
not at all.
i just felt like it was like what i said. always. so i technically never lied.
another, sudden conclusion: i don't care that/if you've never read anything from me, and i don't care if you don't read this (because i know you never would). so yeah, i've stopped caring about this particularly, not about you.
but am i concerned that this natural disaster happened at your side these few days ago? do i care if someone is hurt by your side? or if you are? yes, i'm waiting for you to mark your safety somewhere - anywhere. and not just yours, but everyone you know/love.
was i just about to type i love you?
because i don't know anymore.
yours,
her
crazy
ink.
that's a code word right there, for only me to understand.
bye.
