4Ever & a Day : The Next Generation of R5

This Is Who He Is and You Can't Change It

Ross

I got in the car and slammed my hands on the steering wheel. I started the car and just drove. I had no idea where I was going. I thought back to what had happen tonight. I knew I shouldn't have lost it like that and I shouldn't have gotten violent with Embry. I felt bad for choking him.

I wound up in front of Riker's house. It was late by the time I got there, but there were still lights on in the living room. I got out of the car and knocked on the door. Raelyn answered the door.

"Ross why are you here so late?" she asked.

"Is Riker still up? I need to talk to him," I told her.

"Yeah, come in he's in the living room."

She stepped aside and let me in. I watched her walk up the stairs before I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch opposite Riker. I didn't know how to even begin. I wondered what he would think of me if I voiced what I had done to Embry. I needed advice from my big brother. When I tried to speak all that came out were sobs. I just started crying. I wasn't sure Riker had ever seen me cry, maybe when we were little and our dog died, but that was the one and only time.

Riker got up and came to sit beside me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm a bad parent," I sobbed.

"Why do you think you're a bad parent?" Riker asked.

"Well, I tried to kill Embry tonight," I confessed.

"What?" he asked shocked.

I felt so guilty, like I was the worst parent on the planet. Now I knew Riker thought I was too. I had to continue and try to explain myself. I was crying so hard I couldn't get the words out. The look on his face was making it harder to speak. It made me sob harder.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Riker said.

"No, it was that bad," I said, as I tried to control my sobs.

"What happened?" Riker asked, as he hugged me.

I pushed him away and got up. I paced the room. Riker watched me and waited for me to talk. I tried to find the right words to explain without sounding like a complete idiot, but there were none. This was going to make me look like a complete jackass.

"Okay we were having family time and everyone was on their phones. So I took them and caught a sext on Embry's phone from Cam," I sighed.

"Wait his best friend?" Riker asked, with a confused look on his face.

"Yeah that Cam," I spoke again. "I thought at first it had to be another Cam. So I teased him about having a girlfriend and then Montague said Cam wasn't a girl. He saw Embry and Cameron kissing on the cruise."

I looked up at Riker and he was smiling. "You mean to tell me you had no idea something besides friendship was going on between them?"

I stared at him with my mouth open. "What do you mean?"

"Ross come on are you really that dense?"

"Am I the only one who didn't know?" I asked.

"I honestly don't think many people actually know. I saw them looking at each other one night by the pool at mom and dad's when they thought no one was watching. Then Embry mouthed I love you," Riker confessed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't like it for one and it wasn't my place to out Embry," he said.

I stared at the ground. My sobs threatened to come up again but I pushed them back. All I wanted to do was collapse to the floor and cry. My chest hurt so badly from what I had done. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I really hated myself at this moment.

"So why did you say you tried to kill Embry?" Riker questioned.

I sighed. "Well after I found out it was Cameron he was sexting I lost it. I yelled at everyone to leave except Embry. Embry and I fought about that stupid purity ring. I yelled at him about handing it over because he'd defiled it. He yelled back and threw the ring at me. It bounced off my forehead. That was when I lost it."

I sank to the floor with my back against the wall. I couldn't stop the sobs anymore. I knew Riker was watching me and waiting for me to finish but I just couldn't. I took a deep breath and exhaled really big.

"I choked him...like pinned him against the wall and choked him." I sobbed. "If Victoria hadn't have been there I don't know what would have happened."

"We've all been that mad at one point in time. Acting on it is a different story though. You acted on it," Riker pointed out.

"I don't know what came over me. I scared myself. And now my son is afraid of me. I don't want my children to be afraid of me, Riker."

"The best you can do is apologize and make sure it never happens again. If you feel it happening just walk away."

Walk away? That's what I should have done in the first place. It would have been better for everyone if I had just done that and saved the heartaches I had caused by letting my anger get the best of me.

"Let me ask you this, would you have been as angry if he had been sexting a girl?" Riker asked.

"I would have been upset but not to such an extreme."

Riker sighed. "Ross you have to understand this is who he is, and you can't change it. Nor do I think he wants to. This is his first love. Do you remember how that felt?"

"Yeah, I married her remember. I love her today as much as, if not more, than I did seventeen years ago," I said.

"Then think about how he feels."

I thought about what Riker had said. Everyone was against my dating Victoria because of our age difference. Dad tried to keep us apart and I hated sneaking around to see each other. I didn't want Embry to have to do that. I wanted my son and whoever he loved to be welcome in my house. I love my son more than life itself and I have to make this right.

"Can I just stay here tonight?"

"Yeah I'll get you a blanket and pillow for the couch."