4Ever & a Day : The Next Generation of R5

Moving On

Riker

I sat here in this damn alcoholics anonymous meeting. I couldn't believe I had let Ryssa talk me into this. I knew she was just worried about me. I had gone off the rails a little after Raelyn died and I knew I needed to change. I wanted to be around to see my grandchildren grow up and have lives of their own. I wanted to see how happy my children were in the lives they had chosen but it all still meant nothing without Raelyn in my life to share it with. I knew when I married her this was a possibility but I loved her. I had to understand I was never meant to save her but I needed to save myself.

I looked up at the girl at the podium about to speak. I recognized her from somewhere. She was pretty and I hadn't thought about another woman that way since Rae died. She looked nervous and I knew like me she was new here. This was only my second meeting and I hadn't had a drink in two weeks. She hadn't been at the last meeting I came to.

"Hi my name is Mabel and I'm an alcoholic," she said.

That was when I knew where I knew her from. At first I felt kind of bad for thinking she was so attractive. She was the same age as Romeo and that made me old enough to be her father. She began talking about her story and I was only half listening. I was too busy thinking about asking her to dinner or something after this meeting. After all she was an adult now and if Ryland could marry someone half his age I could at least date someone half my age right? She was the first woman I had even looked at truthfully. After Raelyn no one mattered but I needed to move on it was time. Raelyn wouldn't have wanted me to be alone or live the way I had been living since her death.

When the meeting was over I was standing by the coffee machine staring into my cup of coffee. Saying I was going to ask this woman out and actually doing it were two different things. By the time she had finished speaking and the meeting was over I had lost my nerve. Then I heard someone say my name. I looked up and she was standing in front of me.

"I'm sorry to hear about Raelyn. I know it was a while ago but I didn't think I'd ever see you to tell you that," Mabel said.

"Thanks, I'm sorry to hear about your parents too. I'm glad your brother was there to take care of you," I stumbled with my words.

Why was she making me nervous? It had been so long since I had had a conversation with a woman I wasn't related to by blood or marriage. I needed to get over this and just speak to her and see where it leads. What did I have to lose?

"Yeah he wasn't the best option and part of the reason I'm here in the first place. I guess it was better than being a foster child though," she said back.

"So this may be..." I stopped. "Fuck, would you like to get dinner sometime?"

"You mean like a date?" Mabel looked surprised.

I hesitated. I didn't know how to answer that. Was I asking her out on a date? It was just dinner. If it went well it might lead to other dinners, maybe more. So was it a date? That was the million-dollar question. Did I want this to be a date?

"Yeah," I said as confidently as I could.

"I would like that," Mabel said.

She smiled and I smiled back. It seemed a little awkward now. Neither one of us knew what to say. I wanted to say something but really wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't much of a conversationalist these days. The only two people who could get me to talk were Syd and Guin.

"When?" I asked. I needed to stop with these one word responses.

"Let me give you my number and you can call me to set it up. I have to leave for work in a few minutes," she said looking at me like she was waiting on something.

"I left my phone in the car," I told her when I realized that's what she was waiting on me to hand her.

She got a napkin from the table and I watched as she searched her purse for a pen. She finally found one and wrote her name and number on the napkin.

"I'll look forward to your call," she said as she left.

I stared at the napkin. I was really going to do this. I was going to go on a date with a woman. I hadn't dated in over twenty years. I smiled as I stuck the napkin in my pants pocket and walked out the door. I smiled all the way home. Nothing had made me this happy in years. I knew I needed this and if it didn't work out it was a good stepping stone. A way to get myself back in the game.

I made a stop before I went home. I went there on autopilot. It was a place I knew well. I had spent a lot of time there over the past couple of years. Life around me had gone on and I was stuck in the past. I had to let go of the past though. Raelyn would want me to. We had discussed it when she got sick this last time. I walked up the headstone and smiled.

"I know you wrote me a letter for this day the way your mom did for you. It's a letter I thought I would never open Rae. I just wanted to say it doesn't make me love you any less. I still miss you like crazy but the past couple of years I haven't been living. I've just been existing. I know now you were right and I need to move on," I said as I touched her name on the headstone.

I heard the violin music from behind me and turned to see a man and a little dark haired girl at a grave. The little girl finished her song and said, "See mommy I am getting good just like I promised you I would."

I knew that it was a sign from Raelyn. She had heard me somehow and was happy I had finally accepted she wasn't coming back. I smiled at the man as he looked at me and smiled back.

AN: I am so sorry for not updating this sooner! I didn't realize it had been that long. I will try to update sooner in the future!