His Little Curser

Therapy

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Madeline's POV:

"Three months, six days, 4 hours. Th-that is how long it's been since I lost the baby." I whispered and pulled my legs under me. I stared at the elastic band on my wrist as I popped it to my skin for the sting.

It's true, that's how long it's been. Not only did I lose my baby, I lost my mate, my friends. I couldn't handle the pain of my child dying and I did stupid things. I ignored people because my heart wasn't content. They would play pity and feel bad for me, but that's not what I want. I want to be left alone. Pity doesn't do anything but make me feel worse, I hate pity, I hate having my mate take care of me like a baby.

I wasn't talking, I wasn't eating, moving, drinking, sleeping. I had nightmares. Nightmares that would haunt people's heads and eat away at everything good inside of them.
I was stuck in this never ending darkness that I swore I would never allow back. No one, and I mean no one could light up this darkness. This one was worse, this one was cruel and pitch black. There was no dancing or stars. It was darker than when you close your eyes in the dark.

It was my hell.

I sat there, alone. Remembering my pain, my screams, my mate's screams. The trauma we both went through. The aching in our heads that tore us away from each other.

Well, tore me away. He wanted me closer.

Sin was doing the best he could everyday. Bathing me, shoving tubes into me because I was becoming malnourished from starving myself, keeping kids away from me.

Yes, even Bea.

I didn't want to see her. I couldn't face her. I heard her scream and cry when Sin told her I didn't want to see her. It made my cry more because I felt guilty. I already felt guilt from my baby dying, I didn't want to feel more.

That was all I ever wanted. A baby. A family. More than anything I wanted that. I had it, but it was taken from me. I was drowning in guilt.

This is my fault. I wanted to be a leader. I wanted to be brave even while pregnant. I wanted to show Sin that I am a True Luna. That I can do anything just like he can without a scratch, but I got hurt. My stubbornness always seems to come and bite me in the ass.

Nikolas, last time I checked, is doing better.

Well, I didn't check. Esme came up here and told me he was three months ago.
She stopped coming when I screamed I hated her.

I don't, I wish it never came from my mouth.

But it hurt in the moment. I allowed myself to believe that. Esme. Since we were poor she was always happy. She may not have been rich, but I bet you she wasn't beat. She was beautiful, everyone was her friend. She got great gifts for her birthday. She wasn't stuck with a child, she chose to help me because she's a good person. Always have been. She wanted to comfort my pain every time, she wanted to relate to me really badly, but she couldn't, she knows she couldn't.

I hated her for that.

She would heal my bruises and scars. She had the perfect family, even though her mother was sick and dying she was always happy. Then her mother was healed. I thought, if the goddess could heal her mother, then she could heal my parents and we could be happy.

But no, my mother hung herself, my father was eaten by a dragon because Sin got bored.

Oh! Then the best part! The person, Esme, who already had a perfect life, she had a baby. She didn't even want kids until I wanted them, and we said we could be twins.
We weren't. We couldn't be. She could never understand my pain, she can't heal this void in me.