In the Shadow of Darkness | Sebastian Sallow

Guilt

A/N: First off, I'm sorry for missing a couple days. The holidays really messed with my timelines! This is a really long chapter, but I hope you enjoy it. Fair warning as we navigate the next few chapters... It's going to get a bit angsty. Sebastian isn't going to be very nice. You're going to see some relationship building with characters other than Sebastian and Eleanor. But I do promise we will all get through this!

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Natty was correct about the bruises. By the morning, the only signs of injury were a couple brown splotches on the right side of my neck, which I easily covered by a scarf. No need for anyone to wonder what had happened, I thought. Ominis seemed surprised when I showed up for Alchemy that morning. The first thing he did was chastise me for being so reckless, but he held my hand under the table, adding that he was glad I was alright. Sebastian, on the other hand, was still in the Hospital Wing, and likely would be for the rest of the week.

Officer Singer stopped by Hogwarts that Wednesday to take statements from all of us. Though she hadn't been investigating Sebastian's disappearance since the first few days into it, she had volunteered, saying it was the least she could do in cooperation with the Magical Law Enforcement Squad at the Ministry. I couldn't help but feel she was slightly disappointed that none of us had much information, and that she'd have to wait to get a statement from Sebastian himself.

I visited him every day after classes that week. Nurse Blainey would check in on us like a mother hen, and explained that she was giving him sleeping draughts to keep him calm for his stay. Something in her eyes told me she was omitting some important details, but I didn't much feel like pressing. Sometimes, Ominis would join us, seeming to stare down at his friend quietly, but rarely saying anything.

One night, Ominis followed me out of the Hospital Wing, and before we even made it out of the Faculty Tower, I heard him sniffle. Without a word, I pulled him into my arms and held him as we both sobbed in the deserted corridor. It was all too much. All of the people I had watched die from the beginning of last school year to now haunted me in those moments. Mr. Osric, Lodgok, Professor Fig—oh, my dear Professor Fig! None of them deserved to die, and it was all because of me. I had caused so much suffering, and now I wondered if Sebastian was the latest victim of being associated with me. Perhaps whoever had abducted him knew we were getting close to finding them? And Anne! I knew the tragedy of the woman Ominis loved all too well by now, and I couldn't even help her!

Perhaps it would be better, I thought, if I weren't here.

--

When Sebastian was finally awake for longer than a few minutes, he seemed remiss to speak with me. Ominis told me he simply needed time, but I found that even after his release, he continued to avoid me. This continued consistently for the next two weeks, a feat considering our number of classes together. Anytime I'd approach him, he'd manage to come up with some excuse to get away from me. Even in Potions, where we sat beside each other, he somehow found a way to ignore me. I thought Ominis once again felt like a middle man of sorts, neither sticking tightly to his Slytherin friend or me more than the other. If he seemed frustrated about it, though, he didn't let on.

I could tell Sebastian wasn't sleeping again. I saw the circles under his eyes darken every day, and his eyes seemed to be slowly sinking into his head. Though never one to care much about his hair, it looked messy and unkempt even compared to normal. To be fair, I wasn't sleeping much, either. Every time I'd close my eyes, I'd find myself back in that cave with Sebastian. Sometimes, I would relive the reality or a worse version of it, and wake up unable to breathe. Other times, however, I'd awaken from his lips on mine and his hands against my skin, my whole body alive with the ghost of those sensations.

Natty asked me frequently if everything was all right. I knew she had heard me call out some nights. I was embarrassed to think that sometimes it could be his name, but Natty had never been one to judge me. I told her how clearly I remembered that deadly look in his eyes, as if I didn't matter to him at all. It wasn't a lie, but I chose to keep my more lurid dreams to myself. What would she think of me if she knew I was having those sorts of dreams after such an ordeal?