EP19: COWARD AND COWARD

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Did Jay feel guilty for telling Sunghoon to get lost and leave him to walk alone to his chamber — Yes

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Did Jay feel guilty for telling Sunghoon to get lost and leave him to walk alone to his chamber — Yes.

Did he feel so much guilt for several reasons that he couldn't distinguish what other feelings he had and was using it as an excuse to pretend to feel nothing? — The answer would also be yes.

Did he know he wouldn't get any sleep this night because all of this would keep him awake? — triple yes.

So here he was, walking alone through the completely dark hallways. Not even the moon was shining due to the heavy dark clouds in the sky.

If Jay could, he would just bury himself in his bed (arguably fine with Jungwon being next to him) and never return to the awakened world.

But with everything in his mind right now, he somehow wished Heeseung would have pulled one of his ridiculous jealousy moves to make Jungwon not be in his room. He didn't want to face him right now. He didn't want him to see this—

"Why are you still awake?" Jay asked as he found Jungwon in his bed in his sleepwear with a book in his hands. Round glasses rested on his nose, behind them a pair of eyes about to drop closed, and there was this cloud of fluffy hair covering those sleepy eyes almost completely.

Jay sat down on the edge of his bed next to Jungwon. "You are supposed to sleep. What if you don't have enough energy tomorrow?" He asked, his hand coming to cup the younger's face.

"I wanted to wait for you," Jungwon said as he unknowingly leaned into his touch, for a short moment closing his eyes and suppressing a yawn.

Jay's heart broke without him accepting the heartbreak. He carefully took off Jungwon's glasses. "Heeseung will be hard on you if you oversleep, so you should sleep now."

Cancel what he wanted earlier. Jay would, for no hell in this world, be ever sleep isolation from Jungwon again in this state.

Only now, he was grateful for this blankness Jungwon caused in his mind as only he was left.

"But-" Jungwon gripped his wrist, intending to get his glasses back, but stopped as he made eye contact with his husband.

Jay hugged him immediately. Jungwon could feel how he rested his chin on his shoulder. First surprised, he soon hugged him back. "Seong-ah?" He asked, for some reason concerned. "Is everything alright? You went out so late, did something happ-"

"Can you just," Jay started, tightening the hug. "Can you just hug me for now?" He silently asked, yet Jungwon heard him.

Jay could feel Jungwon's heart beating in sync with his heavy and guilty one. He hated this.
He hated Sunghoon for making him see all this, his reality.

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