Transport(Aris Jones x reader)

22) Unfair

All I felt the next day was pain. It wasn't the type that could be healed with a needle and thread. It wasn't even one that could be healed with time. No, this was something that wouldn't stop following me.

Sometimes, I'd still look at Aris. I thought he felt what I had. I thought someone could finally love me. What did I do wrong this time? Was I to clingy? Had I been to vulnerable, to weak? Was I to messed up in the head?

He was almost in the front of the group this time. I had made sure to stay in back trailing behind the others.

I kept trying to replace the torment inside me with anger. The rage wouldn't hurt the way this does. I could hate him and make all these feelings go away.

"Hey girl-shank. You alright?"

"Shouldn't you be in the front? You are leader and all that,"I mumbled.

"They'll survive. Besides, Newt won't stop scolding Frypan for making jokes at a time like this."

My breath was caught in my throat. Those jokes were about us, weren't they? Except, there wasn't an us. Everything he said was a lie.

"What happened? You're too quiet today. It's not like you to not have something to say,"He asked.

"You don't need to know anything about me,"I snapped.

"That's too bad because I learned a thing or two,"He shrugged.

"Like what?"I asked, trying to be angry. Anger always made it better.

"You make sure no one knows how you feel. You don't want anyone to help with anything even if it kills you. You'd rather feel pain than weakness, and right now you're going to keep saying you're fine."

"Shouldn't we worry about Thomas?"I reminded him.

"I wanted to stop thinking about him for just a moment. I can't think about what to do if my mind isn't clear,"He admitted. I nodded and kept my eyes fixed on random things in the distance. The problem was there was nothing to truly focus on. They always travelled back to him.

"Something happened last night, didn't it?"He kept pushing.

"No Minho. Everything's the same as it always is,"I shrugged.

We kept walking, and I pretended he wasn't beside me. It was clear he wasn't going to leave me alone so I'd have to fake it. It was proving to be harder than I thought when I felt him looking at me every three seconds.

"You know who you remind me of?"He asked.

"I don't care,"I sighed.

"I'm going to tell you anyways. You remind me of me."

I looked at him like he had grown three heads. This was bold, confident, fiery, free-spirited Minho. We were nothing alike.

"Let me rephrase that. You remind me of who I used to be,"He clarified.

"You didn't always have perfect hair? Isn't that something?"I replied, trying to add some kind of humor to this conversation.

"I always had perfect hair. I'm talking about the way you think if you ignore a problem it magically goes away. Just like that a switch is flipped, and everything is all better."

"Can you stop? I don't need to be analyzed. This is just how I am. I don't need to hear there's something wrong with me,"I scowled.

"Aris did something that hurt you last night, didn't he?"He asked.

I tried not to show how much hearing his name affected me. My heart stopped as I replayed his words. How I was lying about feeling anything for him. He told me he didn't love me after everything he'd done. He let me cry on his shoulder. He held me just the night before that. I knew better now. The way he only used our connection when he knew it would hurt me made it clear what he thought of me.

"Pushing it down doesn't do anything. Soon it's going to be the only thing you can think about. It's just going to escape in a worse way than it could."

"I don't need you to know me. Just go back to hating me and all that. Keep avoiding my name. Remember me as the girl you don't trust. Every time you want to get close to me remember that I killed your friend."

I felt myself freeze. Had I truly just said that? Nothing about me had changed. I would still hurt anyone I had to if it meant protecting me.

"News flash girl-shank. I don't like being told what to do. Yes, you did kill my friend. Yes, I did hate you for that. Then, I saw all you had done for us. Your quick thinking as helped us. You risked your life for Jack. You've lead us through this hell. So yes, I did hate you at one point. Now, I don't."

"So what? You want to be my friend?"I asked.

"Something like that."

"I'm not easy to know Minho. I'll make it difficult. Once you think you know me I'll be the opposite,"I warned.

"Challenge accepted."

"You sound terribly cheesy, you know that?"I asked.

"I was going for funny, but we'll get there."

"I doubt it,"I joked.

"A confident Minho can do anything."

I gave a small laugh at the dumb way he referred to himself in third person. Eventually, I'm sure I'd find a way to ruin it. For now I just need a friend.

Aris's P.O.V

It's not fair to be jealous of the way he makes her laugh. I know that's an obvious thing. I did everything I could to hurt her last night. Everything I said was to make sure of it so no. I shouldn't be jealous that he makes her happy.

I am though. He just did it so easily. In only a few minutes he made her face light up. It was something I had been spending almost this entire time trying to do. I shouldn't care. I even told Teresa we were just doing this to Thomas so he'd live so he'd love her again. Eventually, he could forgive her.

Now I understand. You don't even know if you deserve forgiveness. You're going to make the person you love think you wouldn't think anything of killing them, and that you've always hated them.

Everything is clear now. I don't deserve forgiveness.