You're a Mind Fuck, Babe

Chapter 65: You Are Perfect Porcelain

That night we drove around, his fingers intertwined with mine, one hand on the steering wheel. He had been fired and he told me he had never felt so free. He felt the air rush through his body and he felt light as a feather. I called in sick for work though I really could've went regardless but I didn't want to miss this moment. I hadn't seen him this happy ever. He was sad that he was fired but did that ever peel itself from his face fast. It shed like snake's skin and his eyes shone like stars in the night sky. He was free and he was ready for something new.

Maybe I didn't give enough notice for work, maybe I should care but feeling his heartbeat in my hands and hearing his laughter in the wind made everything seem a little less urgent and matter a little less. He said we were going home but he took a turn a few streets ago that completely countered that statement. He's driving a little too fast with all of the windows rolled completely down so the wind could smack our skin and whistle in our ears. I can feel my head throb with a migraine. We pull up on a hill empty of people but full of life and get out of the car. We walk towards a beautiful tree surrounded by various lilac bushes. My nose is already pretty stuffed up as we breathe in the spring air. He slides his jacket off and lays it beneath the tree on the shaded area and lays on top of it. He rolls up his white sleeves, unveiling perfect alabaster skin and holds his arms out for me. I lay down against his body, wrapping my arm around his waist. His arm squeezes gently around my shoulder as he kisses my forehead before laying back down and staring up at the leaves of the tree or the sky that found itself in the background of the foliage. I glance at his outgrown hair and contrasting porcelain skin. I remark the beauty mark low on his neck and the curve of his jawline. I breathe in the smell of coffee, cigarettes and the fabric softener that was on sale this week. I can feel his chest rise and fall beneath me in perfect rhythm. I can hear the birds chirping as the cool breeze passes through my hair and grazes my skin. I can feel the warmth of the sun where it shines through the tree branches, making its way down to my body. Leaves rustle overhead making calming sounds that soothe my headache and try to lull me to sleep. The calming surrounding made me feel safe and I didn't ever want to leave. A couple hours later, the sun began to sink in the sky until it drowned below the horizon. The sky is painted a soft pink and purple as we stand up and leave.

-

As we head home, my mind's already preoccupied with exams that I still have two months to prepare for and ideas of possible outcomes for our relationship. The mind knows no boundaries on airy, cool nights like these where the sky is clear and the stars offer no solace but that you are not alone. Gerard's hand grazes against mine and my eyes turn from the constellations to his lips, soft and pink in the pale moonlight.
"Frank, I love you," he whispers, as though it were a huge secret he kept on his chest.
"I love you, too," I reply, a smile rising to my lips, causing my cheeks to flush. I turn away, hiding my face and giggle. He pulls into the apartment building parking lot, the rocky pavement grinding under the tires as he parks. We both get out and head towards the door. He holds the building's door open for me but I shake my head, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from my pocket and sitting on the steps. He nods and heads inside. I pull out my lighter and a cigarette and light it. I still don't know what to think about the wedding. Do I even want it to happen? Would it change us? Would we become that unhappy couple that sad songs are written about? Would we become as meaningless as a depressing love poem about how it never worked out because it was doomed from the start? God, I'm swimming in this vast ocean of my mind and I feel like I don't know how to swim. I look up to the sky as though I'll find answers in craters on the moon.

I head back inside to find Gerard sitting at the kitchen table, drawing. He looks over at me and smiles.
"I think I'm gonna go to bed, I'm exhausted," I offer as an explanation as I walk towards the bedroom.
"Is everything alright?" He asks, worry rising in his voice.
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just beat. It's been a long day," I reply, ending the conversation by closing the bedroom door behind me. I slip out of my shirt and pants and slide under the sheets of the bed. I wrap the sheet around my body and close my heavy eyes. My mind wanders for awhile but I eventually find sleep.