You're a Mind Fuck, Babe

Chapter 43: This City Is Haunted By Ghosts From Broken Homes

We spent some time making love before Gerard and I released. Gerard is now laying on the bed, most likely asleep from the exertion. I get off the bed and head for a shower. I wait for the water to heat up before I step inside. The warm water glides across my skin. I close my eyes and lean my head into the stream. I run my hands through my hair a couple of times before massaging shampoo into it. I continue to wash myself, ridding myself of the anger I had yesterday. It's funny how just hot water and soap can make me feel like a different person completely.

I step out of the shower and I begin to dry off. I wrap the towel around my waist before heading into the bedroom. I get dressed and I look over at Gerard who's still laying there. I decide to leave him be, I'll go get my stuff and let him sleep. I know my mom will be there and I know she's going to be pleading for me not to leave. It's going to be hell but I have to get it done.

I pull on a coat and my gloves and I quietly leave. I breathe in the cool air as I make my way to my mom's house. I watch the cars pass by and all the people going in and coming out of the beer store as I leave the sketchy neighborhood area for a different neighborhood with a different type of sketchy. The walk home is familiar but the butterflies in my stomach from anxiety of going home aren't. I see my house, the peeling paint, the dead grass lawn and the fading black door. I must've stood outside my house a million times but never has it felt so unlike home. I don't live here anymore and I can feel it in the pit of my stomach as I make my way to the door. I knock on it and wait. It's weird having to knock on the door of a house you once called home. It's a decent looking place, almost looks like it could be owned by a happy family. I guess you could say that for most of the homes in this town. A lot of the kids here come from broken homes and it hangs in the air, haunting us all. Affairs, abuse and addiction float through the streets here, tearing people apart and destroying the things they love most.

The door opens and my mom stands aside, letting me in. I breathe in the smell of cranberries and cigarettes as I walk upstairs to my room. I take a look around. What do I need? What can I leave? I pick up my CDs placing them in a bag on my bed. My mom already started packing it up for me, a couple of piles of clothes are folded on my bed, my dressers are empty. The rose that Gerard had brought me has wilted but remains on my bedside table. I pick up the bag off my bed and start stuffing as much as I can into it. I never thought about having to get it to Gerard's I'll have to carry it all back while walking. I get all I feel like I need packed up and I look at my old room. I close the door behind me. When I walk down the stairs, my mom is at the bottom with her arms crossed.
"What?" I ask, trying to push past her.
"I don't see why you have to leave," she replies, her voice soft.
"I'm 18 and I can do what I want. I don't need to explain myself to you and I no longer need your approval," I try to stay calm but my voice shakes with anger. My mom slaps me, the sound echoing through the room and the pain taking a few seconds to set in.
"You are my baby! I don't want you to leave!" She screams, her voice cracking as tears start pouring down her face. I move away from, getting closer to the door.
"I'll tell the school about your extra curricular affairs if you leave," she says. She's really blackmailing me, wow. I drop my bags on the floor.
"What is wrong with the parents in this town? Breaking their family apart, ruining their lives and their kids lives without even thinking about it. It feels like a fucking ghost town here during holidays because everybody fucking gets away because it's such a fucking hard place to be when your family's a mess," I whisper. I turn and face my mom.
"I'll stay but you have to fucking realize that I'm only staying to protect Gerard. I'm not staying for you." I walk over to the couch and sit down. I swing my legs up and pull out my pack of cigarettes. I start smoking in the house and my mom pulls it from my mouth.
"If you're going to disrespect me anyway, you can get the fuck out. I don't want to deal with more of your bullshit. I won't tell the school about Gerard on two conditions, you call me once a week and visit every holiday without Gerard," she bargains. I take my cigarette back and place it between my teeth.
"Deal." I pick up my bags and walk outside. I start walking back to Gerard's as the sun starts to get covered by clouds. It's either going to start raining or snowing and I'm still almost twenty minutes away from the apartment. Fuck. I start to jog but give up because I can't fucking breathe and run at the same time.