You're a Mind Fuck, Babe

Chapter 44: Tell Me What Your Worst Fears Are, I Bet They Look A Lot Like Mine

Gerard and I stopped by a furniture store this morning and found a table. The only issue we're going to have is that the table won't fit in his car and they can't do a delivery until after all the other deliveries are done, which won't be for two days, since they're backed up because of thanksgiving. The table we agreed on is a nice dark maple wood that should fit in his apartment.

We get back to Gerard's apartment and see Mikey standing outside of the building. Fletcher is in his arms and Mikey's crying. Gerard and I get out of the car and walk towards him.

"What happened?" Gerard asks, pulling his brother in for a hug.

"It's dad.. He got really mad and you know how he gets and-" Mikey starts but can't continue, his sobs muffling his words and he stops talking to bury his face in Gerard's shoulder. I take Fletcher from his arms so he can properly hug Gerard.

Gerard walks Mikey upstairs and I follow behind them. He unlocks the door and Mikey walks in and sits on the couch. 

"I-i didn't know who to turn to... I'm sorry I keep fucking up you life," Mikey says, his voice shaking.

"Don't feel sorry, you're my little brother, all I want to do is protect you and you coming to me will never fuck up my life. You're one of the only good things in my life," Gerard says, sitting beside Mikey.

"I know how you get after fighting with dad so you can stay here for the next couple of days, okay?" Gerard offers. Mikey nods. Fletcher starts drooling down my back and I pass him to Gerard while I go to set up his crib. Once I get that done, I pick him back up and lay him down.

"I'm gonna go out and get some stuff for Fletcher for the next couple of days then. I need to clear my head," Mikey says, standing up and fixing his shirt while drying his eyes.

"Do you want someone to go with you?" Gerard asks. Mikey shakes his head and leaves. Gerard looks at me and I can tell what he wants. I walk over to him and he tilts my head up, leaning down to kiss me. His lips meet mine and I can feel their tender warmth. He pulls my legs up around his waist and walks us over into his bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and walks over to his closet.

"Take your shirt off," he orders. I begin lifting my shirt over my head and I throw it to the ground. I see Gerard with a red candle and a lighter. He lights the candle and walks closer to me. He tilts the candle, wax preparing to drip onto my skin when flashbacks to the nightmare I had about Fletcher's face melting onto the floor invade my mind. I go into a panic. What's the safe word? Oh God. I can't seem to breathe and I feel like the walls are closing in around me.

"Hesitant Alien!" I scream. Gerard pulls the candle back, setting it down on the bed side table.

"Are you okay?" He asks. I stand up and leave the room.

I cover to Fletcher's crib and just stare at him. He's okay. He's alive. Why I needed the confirmation is irrational but I needed it. I see that his face is fine, he's breathing and he's alive. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. Sweat is trickling down my face as I breathe heavily. I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and I jump, forgetting completely about Gerard for a minute.

"Are you okay?" He asks again, kissing my neck from behind.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammer, my voice shaking.

"It's fine. There's a reason the word is there. But why did it bother you so much? I've done it before.

"I had a nightmare once that you were holding Fletcher upside down and his face was peeling off and the wax reminded me of it," I explain, my voice cracking a couple times. He starts rubbing my shoulders but I escape from his touch. I grab my jacket and my gloves and I head outside. With trembling hands, I pull out a cigarette and I light it. I place it between my teeth and try to stick the pack back in my pocket.