You're a Mind Fuck, Babe

Chapter 10: I'm Not Okay

"No, mom, I'm not fucking my student," Gerard says calmly.

"Then why is Frank's backpack here?" She retaliates. So that's what she saw. When I came back, I dropped it on the floor.

"Honestly mom, he probably never took it with him in the first place. I don't know. Why don't you ask him? You see infatuated with the shit head," he argues.

"Then who is under the sheets?" Fuck.

"My boyfriend. I've been with him since I was in high school. Get over it."

"I want to meet him."

"Why don't you just stop trying and leave me alone?" His voice is getting angrier and angrier and I can feel his heart begin to pump faster.

"Gerard... Don't be this way," she pleads.

"I'm not being any kind of way. You're the one who walked in here and started causing shit. I didn't ask for you to come back," he shouts. I feel myself shake with nervousness and fear.

"Fine. I'll just go. Don't expect me to ever be back!" She cries. She leaves, slamming the door behind her. I pull the sheet off me.

Gerard takes a big sigh before cupping his head in his hands and wiping his eyes. He runs his hands through his hair and he stands up. He pulls on a pair of boxers and then pants and rummages through his pocket. He pulls out a pack of smokes.

"I need one. Do you want one?" He offers while slipping a shirt on. I nod. I stand up and pull on my pants and a shirt. We head outside and he passes me a cigarette. He lights it for me and he lights his own. I watch him smoke and I've never seen someone look so intriguing while they were blowing smoke clouds out of their pale and chapped lips. I notice that his hands are shaky and his skin looks faded.

"It'll be okay," I say, rubbing his back. He smiles and takes another drag. I probably look odd smoking. If anybody was looking from far away, they'd see a man smoking and someone, who was short enough to be a 10 year old, smoking.

I watch the smoke float into the air and disappear. We stand in silent, just smoking, as though there was nothing immoral between us. As though we were completely normal. It felt nice to be out in the open space, even though you could see shady people on street corners and homeless people on the streets near garbage cans. It was depressing to look around but I didn't feel so surrounded. I can't explain the feeling. Usually, when I'm outside and I see grey skies and sadness, it consumes me but I feel less consumed in this moment.

I squish the small remainder of the cigarette under my shoe.

"I should probably go home," I say, breaking the silence. He nods, extinguishing his cigarette as well.

"I'll drive you," he offers. I wait outside. He comes back quickly with keys in his hands. He unlocks the car and I get into the passenger side. He starts the engine and I fasten my seatbelt instinctively. I stare out the window, drowning in my thoughts. I don't know why I feel so heavy all of a sudden. I could cry. I feel like I'm cracking and it's unexplainable. The moments pass and the only sounds that are made are from the car. The radio is off and we're both lost in thought. We pull into my driveway and my mom's car isn't here. I check the time and realize that today is one of the days she has to go to her second job. She won't be home until very late.

"Wanna come in?" I offer. He pulls out of the driveway and parks a couple blocks from my house. He gets out and I follow behind him. We walk to my house in silence.

I unlock the door and we walk in. I make sure to lock it behind me.

I head straight upstairs and he follows me. Luckily, after he left yesterday I changed my sheets.