Against the dark Hearts

Chapter 55

"I'm sorry," I whisper. I mean it. I'm truly sorry. I was foolish. I didn't understand, didn't see through it. I was just a girl who thought she was clever, even though she probably wasn't. I didn't understand that he wanted to make it easier for me to let him go, even though it had been so damn obvious, right?

Sebastian could be mean, but he would never have spoken to me like that. Not without a good reason, and apparently, there had been one. I was just stupid. So stupid, stupid, stupid. So incredibly stupid. I had been so damn stupid.

I look into his dark eyes, shimmering with tears. They are filled with sadness and anger. I think I could understand if he hates me. "I didn't understand," I whisper. He clenches his jaw and moves away from me, looking away, running his agitated fingers through his tousled dark hair.

"That doesn't matter now anyway," he says, taking another step back. "That was years ago," he smooths his clothes, and I tighten my morning robe around me. One of the sleeves slipped off my shoulder when he stormed towards me, and I feel exposed in front of him. I look at him with confusion. If it's not important, why did he lash out at me like that? No one does that if it's not important.

"I don't understand," I start, but Sebastian interrupts me with a stern look in his eyes. "We're older now, Elisabeth, and we're just colleagues. You shouldn't have meddled. I would have told Ominis at some point," he says, and I snort contemptuously. Yeah, sure. He would have found out eventually, and then he wouldn't just be angry with Sebastian but with me too, the one who knew all along. I had better things to do than deal with an angry Ominis.

"When then?" I ask, and earn an amused look. He raises an eyebrow, and his smile is condescending.

"I don't see how that's any of your business."

"He's my best friend, I tell him everything," I reply.

"So, you've replaced me so quickly?" Sebastian asks, and I shake my head, confused. "Quickly? You were gone for seven years, what would be an appropriate amount of time, Sebastian? A decade? Two? Should I have waited until you visited me on my deathbed before I could call someone my best friend, aside from the fact that Ominis already was when you were still here?"

I snap angrily and take a step towards him. He backs away. With a silent movement and a wordless Accio, my wand flies to me. Sebastian looks like he wants to say something, but with a flick of my wand, the door flies open, and I extend my arm to signal that he can leave now.

"You're kicking me out?" he asks, agitated, and I glare at him. "I never invited you in," I reply. He snorts again and shakes his head in disbelief. "If that's how it is, Professor Hawkins, then I'll leave," he says coldly, and I look at him the way he looks at me. Expressionless, cold. "I'll see you at breakfast," with these words, he disappears, and I slam the door shut behind him.

Once I'm sure he's gone, a desperate scream escapes me, accompanied by tears, and I tear the picture from the mantelpiece and throw it to the ground.

I wanted him, I would have sworn anything, in good days and bad, I would have taken all the beauty and the ugliness, as it would come. I would have pledged my eternal loyalty to him. I wanted him forever, wanted him to be mine and me to be his, and now we were two strangers.

It could have worked. Somehow, we could have made it together. With two little girls and later a little boy. A family, and we would have been happy. Our love would have been enough. Now, it's all shattered, just like the glass of the picture frame on my floor in front of the burning fireplace.

After seven years, I still couldn't heal. I look at the door through which he disappeared. I have to pull myself together. We're colleagues. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have to emerge from the sea of tears and welcome the rain that pours down on me, which is nothing more than the uncertainty of what comes next. I hear a knock on my window, and there's a small brown owl there.

Evangeline's owl, Martie.

It has a piece of parchment in its beak, about the size of a small notebook.

Are you okay? Ominis says Sebastian wasn't good to talk to.

I consider whether I should tell the truth, but it won't change anything. Evangeline has enough to deal with. I can't burden her with this insane confrontation. So I scribble a few reassuring words on the parchment and send Martie back with it.

Everything's fine, probably just typical Sebastian.

What is typical Sebastian these days? Bursting into rooms has always been something he liked to do, that's why we were a couple in the end. Spewing accusations and blame, even though he wasn't any better, has always been something he was good at.

I run my fingers through my hair and go to my bed, skillfully avoiding the glass and lie down. I'll get rid of the glass tomorrow, even though it wouldn't take much effort to do it now. I just don't have the energy right now. I fall asleep with difficulty, it takes several turns and even a vial of "Dreamless Sleep" before my eyes finally close.

I wake up with the sun, and it's already too late. Luckily, I took a bath last night. I slip into a dark blue skirt and a white blouse with loose lantern sleeves. Over that, I put on a black vest with a subtle green vine pattern. I leave my cloak behind and hurry to breakfast after putting on my mid-height shoes. I fix my hair on the way to the Great Hall. The students are already at breakfast, and the professors who aren't in their classrooms yet are there too. Mirabel is still there, and of course, I can't avoid Sebastian's presence.

He sits next to Mirabel, and they talk about our school days as I approach the table. I nod briefly, and Mirabel greets me with joy, but her joy fades quickly when she sees that I only give Sebastian a curt nod. She probably expected something else. She looks at me puzzled. What did she think? She knew he just disappeared. Even if what happened hadn't happened, nothing would be like it was back then. After all, we're not children anymore.

I sit down and grab some coffee and a piece of bread that I spread with jam. Mirabel looks at me expectantly, and I give her a questioning look. "You look like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Mirabel says, and I can't help but watch Sebastian out of the corner of my eye as he freezes in his movement and looks over at us. I shrug. "Everything's fine," I say and focus on my bread. Mirabel furrows her brow and looks at me with concern. She leans over to me. "Should I make something stronger for the potion?" she whispers.

Sebastian stops his movement.

He heard it, even though Mirabel spoke as softly as possible. I shake my head. "I'm fine," I say, gently placing my hand on hers to reassure her. "Please don't worry."

Mirabel doesn't ask further, but the cat is out of the bag now. The only person for whom it matters whether he knows that I'm fragile now knows that I need a potion. It doesn't matter for what or which one. Just having that information is enough for him to know that I'm weak.

After breakfast, I go to my classroom. I still have about five minutes before my students need to be there, so I go into my office. I dare not look in the mirror and instead hang my cloak over it, the one I always have in my office. So today, no cloak.