You loving me is my biggest flex

18.

(Song: Mad~ Imaginary After)
"You lied to me? You used me?!" Her voice
quivered as she backed away.
"You used me and my body and my feelings and my trust—" her voice broke at last and tears dwelled down her rosy cheeks. Her plumb lips shivered from anger and betrayal.
He raised his hands to make her stop but right now there was nothing that could stop her from building up that anger even more.
"Why? Is that all that mattered to you? Pleasing your stupid desire?! I'm not an object, Rafe! I'm a fucking human being and I'm hurt!"
Rafe looked away. And what's worse was, that his facial expression was blank. There was no sadness, no regret whatsoever.
He looked emotionless and numb.
"You aren't your father, Rafe! You don't live because of him!"
"It's not my father, Grisu."
"Don't call me that," she screamed and looked at him with flaming eyes.
"You're a liar, a thief, a fucking psycho! How do you even think of fixing that shit you created?!"
"I don't know. I don't care!"
Grisu silenced.
I don't care.
I don't care
I don't care.
Something deep in her heart snapped and it broke a damm. Frustration, anger and pure disgust filled her veins.
"You don't care?" She asked coldly.
"You don't care... that means you don't care about the fucking wardrobe you just destroyed? You don't care about my feelings or my decisions? You don't fucking care about the way you freaking hit me in my face?!?? YOU FREAKING HIT ME, RAFE!"
"But you wouldn't listen. What could I have done?!"
"Listened to me! I don't care about the deviations of your father! — wow that's—that's all so fucked up!" Aresu laughed bitterly and shielded her eyes. She wouldn't give him the opportunity to see her tears and weakness.
"Grisu..." he raised his hands to touch her, but she hit his arm away and glared at him with pure and utmost hate.
"I said not to call me that! Never again will you use me like that. Never again will you touch me."
Safe me.
Aresu felt lost and so incredibly broken.
Oh please let it be a dream... a simple dream. She wanted to wake up and she wanted to do it now.
But the pain in her cheek made it very clear that this messed up situation in fact was real. And reality was so so cruel.
Rafe stood still and watched her.
"You decided for real? Against me? Everybody leaves me! Everyone freaking leaves me all alone! I thought you'd be different!"
"Oh wow, so now it's my fault. Let me remind your fucked up brain, I'm gonna quote. «Let's kill them all.» and «He's right. You don't belong there. You should just forget about them.»"
"What's so bad about it? You'd have me."
"They are my best friends! I love them and I owe them so so much! How can you even say that? Did you truly think a «chose them or me» decision would end well?!"
"Yes!"
"Then you're delusional."
Aresu turned away and breathed heavily. Tears once again threatened to fall.
"I want to keep you though."
"Keep me? KEEP ME?! Do you even know how you sound?! I AM NOT A FREAKING ANIMAL YOU CAN KEEP!"
"But you are my girlfriend."
"Well, not anymore!"
"You're breaking up?"
"Of course! How the fuck should I response? What the hell did you expect?"
"For you to decide for me. You know my past. But you aren't better than all the others. Everyone leaves me. In reality you used me! You planned it from the beginning and you just wanted me to trust you. I told you about my past and you don't give a shit!"
Aresu threw her hands in the air and turned around to not face him any longer.
"I do give a shit, Rafe. But I won't leave my friends—or worse freaking kill them to be together with you—simply because your dad doesn't want them here. Make your own decisions! I didn't think you'd be so dependent on his stupid manipulation. You're truly sick, Rafe. Your brain is fucked up."
"We can't be together this way —my dad...and I'm not ready to leave you yet."
"Not my problem!" Grisu shouted from the top of her lungs and began walking.
Walking away was one of the hardest things she had done so far.
It was devastating and painful to the core.
And she full on begun to weep as soon as she was around the corner.

He did in fact not follow her twice, he looked down on the pavement and let his luck walk away.
And he felt his heart shattering and crumbling down, crushed by the strong feet of his father. By his atrocities and his lies, his manipulation and his aggression. His power over him...
Rafe felt lost and so utterly scared.
He was alone...once again.
He was betrayed...once again.
He had followed his fathers orders... AGAIN. He had permitted his father to destroy his love... AGAIN.
He had made himself a doll for his amusement... AGAIN!
When, when would this trauma ever leave him? When would he ever break free?
How many relationships did his father have to destroy before he could break free?
No... this time if was different.
Never before had he felt that way.
She was gone...
And oh god, it hurt so badly, he wanted to rip himself apart and to peel of the skin that suffocated his crumbing heart.
Thousands of glass splinters seemed to bury themselves into his chest and suffocated his lungs. Breathing became difficult and every breath seemed harder and harder. And the glass buried deeper, leaving behind an ocean of suffering and pain. It stung into his lungs and oh god he couldn't breath.
He couldn't breath. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.
It—it was so cramped, narrow, tight.
His chest heaved, his eyes began to water.
Help me!
Help me!
But no one came.
He was alone, alone in the darkness of his own corrupted mind.