You loving me is my biggest flex

16.

(Song: Power~ Isak Danielson)
Rafe shivered violently.
It's been some time since his father had raised his voice that intensely at him.
His eyes immediately glistened with tears as he backed away, afraid that he might hit him.
"D-dad that's not how it is! You got it all wrong..."
"You telling me what's wrong and what's right now?!"
His father appeared so incredibly huge compared to him. His father was in fact smaller and Rafe logically knew that he would win if they actually fought but his words alone cut as deep as a sword. It felt as if brutal bullet holes made him bleed out.
"That's not what I meant, dad. I just—can you please delete these pictures?" His voice seemed so so far away and fragile.
His pleas drowning in the anger of his father's ocean.
"I want you to freaking leave her! Call her! NOW!"
"No dad, please. Please dad... I love her, I really do!"
"Enough is enough Rafe! You're not a little kid for gods sake! I let you have that stupid little romance for way too long already."
He pushed up his oily skin on the bridge of his nose and sighed.
"What you see on those pictures is real, dad. I love her 'n she loves me."
"That's what she wants you to think. She's in your ear, Rafe. She's in your mind. She's polluting your mind! I'm not gonna let my son get manipulated by a freaking bitch like her."
"Dad that's messed up! Why would she manipulate me?!"
"She's befriended with them!" Ward had pronounced the word "them" as if he'd talk about a poisonous snake.
"Rafe, son... leave that bitch and her bullshit friends—now! Or— are you betraying me? Have you changed sides?" His father scrunched up his nose and drew his eyebrows together.
And Rafe was utterly terrified. He sweat, he shivered and he closed his eyes in defeat.
"Never, dad! Y-you know me!"
"NOT ANYMORE IT SEEMS! BE A MAN!"
Rafe backed away and stumbled against the thin wall.
"All I ever wanted was to make you proud!" Rafe said loud and looked up, deciding to not back away further. Not that he had a chance to anyway.
"Well if that's your way of trying than your a true disappointment! You were always one and you'll ever be."
The power that Ward had over him was growing like weed.
Right now Rafe's heart seemed to shatter like glass.
He began to realize how blinded he was but that did not matter.
He was a disappointment,
a disgrace,
a mistake.
And he in fact knew how much he depended on him. The happiness he once felt was long gone. He kept on staying by his side to please him and to be loyal but now his luck seemed to backlash.
He was so happy, he felt so protected around her but now that she was gone, all the protection seemed gone as well.
Dead... never even existed.
All that mattered now was his father and these cruel eyes that looked at him with pure disgrace.
Rafe licked over his dry lips and raised his shaky hands to sweep away the sweat on his forehead.
"Dad— "
"There's no need to call me that when you do actions that speak against it."
The glass splinters only shattered more.
"Can you please listen," he said, laying the cool back of his hands against his sweaty skin.
"No! YOU LISTEN TO ME! I've listened for your whines long enough, son. I'm no freaking therapist! Behave grown up and just decide. Her or me."
"What does that have to do with the pictures? I—I don't... dad, please stop that."
"Stop what? Forcing you to make decisions as a grown man? I should've done it way earlier. It's not up to me how you decide."
Rafe whimpered and then full on began weeping. He felt trapped.
He couldn't decide.
He couldn't.
How?
Oh god...
Help!
"God Rafe, stop being such a baby. I didn't know I raised a son that weak!"

Rafe felt like a puppet on the strings, his heart sheltered and chained by his fathers strong hands, tortured and suffocated. In constant agony in a deep ocean without an isle to seek shelter on.
"She's one of them, Rafe. But go, I'll set you free. Go and seek your bright future but don't come crawling back at me. If you decide to go then have fun with those who hate ya. Gonna be a funny play to watch."
Ward turned around and began to walk away.
Rafe on the other hand had never felt such intense fear before.
He's leaving.
He's gone.
You've got nowhere to go.
Dad...
„Dad!" Rafe begun to run, got hold of his sleeve and was pushed back. And cold pain immediately burned in his cheek.
He stumbled back and touched his wet cheek flabbergasted.
His fathers' arm was raised, his hand still in the position in which it just hit Rafe.
His father grunted and rolled his eyes at the sight before him.
Rafe had stumbled to the ground, now sitting entirely frozen and paralyzed, still fixated on the hand that had hurt him.
"You've asked for that," his father excused and knelt down beside him.
Even if Ward's eyes looked horrifying and cold, for Rafe they were everything he wanted just now.
He wanted to be held, he wanted to cry and he wanted to stop being the coward he was now. All his resistance and will to speak for himself faded into dull resignation.
He couldn't move, couldn't speak.
He could not think...
"Tz, tz Rafe, what do I do with you? How do I deserve such a wrecked boy?" He moved closer and stroke his stubbly hair.
"Liked it more when it was long, son."
Rafe continued to look at him with shocked but dull eyes. He had not moved since.
"Talk to me, will ya?" His father asked and caressed his cheek to dry his tears.
"Nah, nah, don't cry," he whispered and moved closer before kissing him on his forehead.
His rough beard scratched at his now seemingly fragile skin.
"Come on buddy, say something," he tried again.
"Y'know I had to do it, son. It's a lecture for ya. I know you hate it but sometimes it's gotta be done."
Rafe nodded slowly and adjusted to move away a little.
"Come here, bud," he said and pulled him into a hug.

Rafe opened his eyes widely. At first in fear, later in pure resignation and loyalty.
"You can go to her and ask her to come with us, son. Maybe she'll make you a man or somethin'. You gotta try, but don't come back crawling to me if she leaves ya."
"M'gonna ask her to choose sides, thank you dad. Thank you."
He was still on the outside.
But on the inside, he screamed.
That was the thing about Ward. He turned the facts, made Rafe believe he did nothing wrong, made him think it was all Rafe's fault, made him seem small and childish before him. That was his manipulation, his torture.

"Grisu, you gotta come. Like now."