You loving me is my biggest flex

13.

"You seem to be a kind guy, Rafe. But promise me to protect my girl, alright?" Aresu's mom said and smiled sweetly.
Both Rafe and Grisu had fallen asleep at some point, closely buried under the blanket and locked into each other's embrace.
What Grisu did in fact forgot, was to start an alarm clock. What she also forgot was that she had promised her mom to do the warrants with her. And so she had just walked into Aresu's room, interrupting their dreams and peaceful slumber. Grisu had awoken with half a panic attack, Rafe on the other hand had looked overly calm and chill about the occurrence.
Grisu buried her head into her palms to hide the second-hand embarrassment.
"Yea mom— drop it please."
Rafe laughed and laid one hand around Grisu.
"Sure Mrs. Kashani. I'll protect her at all costs. I'm basically her bodyguard by now."
"That's good then. Ich gehe alleine einkaufen, Aresu. Ruh du dich ruhig noch aus," she said and winked.
She left the room and let Grisu fall into a pitch black and deep hole of embarrassment.

"Your mom seems to be a wonderful person," Rafe said and locked their fingers.
Aresu smiled, laid her head onto his chest and sighed.
"She is indeed a wonderful mom."
"Wish I could say the same about my dad," he did bitterly and she felt his hand slightly trembling.
"Would you feel better if you talked about it?"
"I am not sure. I never tried."

(Song: How villains are made~ Madalen Duke)

"You're trembling," Grisu said and moved up to sit infront of him.
"I am afraid that I'll loose it once I talk about it."
"You won't. I promise."
She locked their fingers and kissed his knuckles.
"Trust me," she said.
He looked down and knitted his brow.
"He is a very...honest... person,"
He searched for a perfect word but none described his personal tormentor enough. "He is brutal, reckless, he's direct and so so very strong. My father, he—he's like a guard that keeps me from truly entering life. He's keeping me locked outside and it's like he uses me as a puppet for his actions and amusement. I am a mere shadow of his great power and intrigue.
I am nothing like a son to him and I never was to begin with. He hates me, he uses me..." his voice cracked and his eyes were watery and glossy. "And you know, the worst part of it is, that whenever he orders something, I obey. I'm acting all strong outside but when I'm with him, all this facade crumbles. It shatters, it breaks, just as my dignity. I follow his every order and I just can't stop. Oh Grisu I tried, I tried so so often but I just can't seem to speak against him. Whenever I want to say something I get scared and I am like a freaking dog that's getting hit and that hides in the corner of his hut! I'm such a coward!" Tears now streamed down his face.
"I just can't seem to get a grip on reality. It's slipping away. All of it. And whenever I want to reach it, I just grip into sole nothingness. It's hollow, it's void. My life seems so fragile and my father is the very core of it."
"The core of the problem or the core of your existence?" Aresu asked and wiped away the salty tears with her jumper.
"I truly don't know. I know nothing. I never seem to make decisions on my own. Every action, every lie, every step I take is his big plan. He's everywhere. He's like a freaking puppeteer and guess what, im the puppet on the strings. He pulls. I obey. That's my life in a nutshell."
His voice trembled as he looked away in embarrassment. He learned to never show his weakness, but exactly that seemed to backlash him now.
"Are you here because he ordered you to do it?"Aresu asked.
"Of course not!" He said and widened his eyes.
"You see? Not every of his strings are attached to your body. You can ripp them off. String by string. And I can help you cut them." Her voice was soft and almost like a sanctuary for Rafe. Never had he heard someone say something like that and promise their support to him after revealing his problems. Her presence was his very anchor.
Rafe full on began to weep.
"I'm a bad person. I've done so many bad things. I can't—I..." he seemed so lost in his own corrupting mind that he couldn't really think straight. All he thought about was: I am a bad influence.
"You are stronger than you think," Grisu said and waited for his answer.
"I'm an drug addict, Grisu."
"I figured as much," she said and looked at him with pitiful eyes.
"You did?"
"Mn. But it's not my place to tell you what to do. It's your life. I can't force you to get clean."
"I want to break free from my past, from my addiction, from my sins..."
"From your father?"
"Yes. Yes! I want to be free!
I'm not a villain! I'm not the bad guy, i just don't have a free will...I didn't mean to shoot her but I don't care that I did...Grisu there is something utterly wrong inside of me and my dad created it. He made a monster out of me. I tried to fucking drown Kiara, tried to kill John B with a goddamn bat and after that I laughed in my room! There is something broken and I don't know his to fix it!" His voice grew more and more high pitched, his fingers clawed at the short hair, leaving behind red traces and his eyes were tightly shut and buried in the hole between his pulled up knees.
"Sometimes I get scared of myself," he said and he sounded so small and fragile. And the tough guy that pleased her yesterday seemed to crumble into a very small child.
"..."
"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry—I tried to get clean, dad. I'm sorry i didn't want to hurt you all. Dad I'm sorry please...I wanted to make you proud, dad! Stop... please—stop—you're hurting me!"
"RAFE!" Aresu gripped his hands to stop him from creating a mess on his forehead. Red trances already covered his skin.
He shivered and his feverish eyes did not focus on anything particular.
"Snap out of it, Rafe. You are save. I'm here. I won't leave now, nor am I going to hurt you. It's alright, it's fine now," she pulled him closer and he buried his head into the crook of her neck.
In that tender moment, Aresu's presence became a sanctuary for Rafe. The world outside of their embrace faded into insignificance as she poured every ounce of love and support she possessed into their connection.
And Rafe felt that connection and it healed something in him that he believed was broken beyond repair.
He hoped again. He had hope to break free from his fathers' chains, he hoped that with her help, he might for real get clean...