You loving me is my biggest flex

21.

(Song: Rewrite the stars~ the greatest Showman)
(Other Song: Imagination~Shawn Mendes)
"Can we talk?" Grisu swallowed soundly, pressed the phone closer to her ear and waited.
What should she answer? Was she ready for a talk? Was it not exactly what she had hoped for...and feared the whole time?
"I'm not sure."
"Please. I'll—I won't force you of course. You can deny. I just want to speak with you in person."
Aresu looked out of the window and sighed.
She was clueless.
"Okay I guess," she said and thought about it for a moment.
"But can you come over? I'm not really in the mood of leaving my room yet."
"Yes! Sure. I'll come around. Half an hour?"
"Okay."
She could practically see him before her and how he tried to tame his excitement.
She ended the call and slumped back onto the bed.
It was better this way... she would feel protected here in her own room.

"Schieß los," she mumbled full knowingly that he didn't understand a word.
"I did not get that, I'm sorry."
"Never mind. Just start," she said, still sitting on the bed, looking at the way he stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"I won't even try to talk myself out of it, nor try to lessen my fault. Short: I fucked up and I'm sorry. I was a dick. A big fat asshole and I deserve your hate."
"I do not hate you," Aresu said and looked at him with numb eyes.
"You don't?" He looked down hopefully, fidgeting with the ribbon of his trousers.
"I'm hurt. But I don't hate you. I just don't know how I feel for you right now. I cannot easily forgive you for what you did."
"You don't have to, actually. It wouldn't be appropriate. Just-just accept my apology."
"I know why you did it. That does not mean I think it was right, nah in fact it was messed up, but I understand you. I'm not so sure if I can deal with it, though."
"Don't leave me! I'm asking you because I'd do anything for ya. Like for real I would. Just- just tell me what to do."
"Actually Rafe," Aresu said, lowering her head into her hands as she swallowed dryly. Her throat felt like sand paper "I don't know myself."
"What don't you know?" He asked anxiously.
"What you can do. It's all a mess. Outside. In my head. With my body. There is nothing to forgive you for because I have already forgiven you. And I shouldn't. You hurt me. You used me. But I-I just did."
Rage looked at her, stunned.
"I listened to your conversation with Ward. Last night."
"Oh."
"Did you actually mean that?" She asked and looked up.
"Every word," he said and teared up a bit.
"I'd choose you if I had to. But I don't want to choose one side. I'll always somehow love my father even though I know his lies, his tactics, his personality. I know that I do things I hate he does, myself. I know I'm a little version of himself and I know it's because I wanted him to see that I was worth it. But I realized that I don't care now. I'm not my father! A-and I really try not to be. So please give me another chance..." he looked at the floor, trying to handle his own feelings that threatened to overpower him.

Rafe stood shakily before her, eyes closed shut and heart trembling. Maybe... she will forgive me. Scratch that, he knew they were fucked.
How could she forgive him?
Damn he wouldn't even do it himself.
He was a fool for trying.

Aresu stood up and walked up to him, touching his chest.
He raised his hand and covered hers'.

"What matters is who you are in here. That hasn't changed. My toxic trait is to think that I can fix you. Yours is to fall for your father. We aren't perfect. We are human."
Rafe looked down at Aresu through his weary, lidded eyes, but a tender smile tugged at the corners of his lips. It was a smile that conveyed trust, gratitude and an unwavering belief in their shared strength. In that simple exchange of words, they found comfort between one another amidst the mess around them.
But it gave them both a glimmer of hope and they thought: Then we will be the first to cross the borders that split both sides. Then we will belong to no one. Will will stay. And we won't choose a side.