Haven ✔️

Ch. 17 Sideswipe's Guilt

Crosshairs struggles to get Drift to calm down. He tries for ten minutes before using a relaxant. He doesn't say anything, hating he may be lying.

The terror twins were told to stay out of the medbay. Instead of seeing what's happening, Sunstreaker gets scolded by Lightning, knowing that others would like to do the same but have returned to their duties.
"You fragging bastard!! I will make sure you pay for what you did!!" She rages before walking away.
Even though it's clear she's not going to kill him since that would mean killing Sideswipe, the terror twins worry about what she's thinking.
"No way she will be shown the footage, nor will Crosshairs and Drift. Those fucking humans!!"
Sideswipe grabs Sunstreaker's arm.
"Let Lennox and Prine deal with it. Come on, we'll not be able to see Jamie until tomorrow.

Sunstreaker watches as tears roll down Sideswipe's face.
"This is my fault," Sideswipe sighs, " shouldn't have suggested you should try to be friends with Jamie. I should have known others would have noticed how you showed your nice side and would take that as a weakness to get revenge on you."
Sunstreaker sits on the bed by his twin and hugs him.
This will be a challenge, but I won't give up if I didn't lose my chance. Sunstreaker thinks as he tries to get Sideswipe to stop crying.

Once Sideswipe stops crying, the two head down to the cafeteria. By now, all the Autobots know what happened; the newcomers are as furious as the ones who've known Jamie for years. Ironhide quickly tells them that Sunstreaker didn't do it. They know he wouldn't lie for Sunstreaker. Instead of anger, sadness could be felt as the terror twins sit with other Autobots. The fact that Crosshairs, Drift, Jolt, and Ratchet aren't in the cafeteria concerns Sunstreaker. He figured Prime and Prowl would be busy dealing with the soldiers who attacked Jamie.

Sunstreaker doesn't know if he'd be told how Jamie is doing as he looks down the hallway, debating on going to the medbay. Sideswipe suggests watching T.V., but Sunstreaker refuses. He sits in the hallway by the medbay, aware he may be told to leave.

Minutes turn into an hour, and quickly two hours before Ironhide walks by, shocked Sunstreaker is waiting for any news on Jamie.

Not even five minutes pass before Ironhide walks out.
"It's a disaster in there," he tells the twins, uncertain if he should give them the details.
"What's going on, Ironhide?" Sunstreaker asks.
"They're struggling to keep Jamie stable. Both Crosshairs and Drift had to be given a strong relaxant that has them knocked out."
Fuck, how many times did they lose her since this happened? No way she didn't die while in surgery. Sunstreaker worries.
"They're close to making the tough decision, and it's my fault. This wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for my idea," Sideswipe tells them before running down the hall toward the hangar.
"There's nothing you can do here. Go after him!" Ironhide demands. 
He watches Sunstreaker go after Sideswipe.
Please, don't take her away from us, Primus. You know how much this human means to all of us.
Even though Jamie will be alive in her dimension, no one wants her to die in this dimension.

Ironhide waits in Ratchet's office for the next ninety minutes before Ratchet walks in.
"She's finally stable," Ratchet tells him.
Ironhide didn't bother asking what the issue was, which was a relief to Ratchet; he'd rather not tell everyone what happened. Not because he failed to treat Jamie but because of what caused her to become unstable. He'd also have to tell them she flatlined, which is when Crosshairs could no longer hide his anxiety.

Ratchet lets Ironhide see his three friends, Crosshairs and Drift, lying unconscious in beds in one room while Jamie is in the next room on life support.

So, this is how they felt during the nightmare situation? Damn it. Ironhide sits on the chair by Jamie's bed and takes her hand. Ratchet and Jolt stand beside him.
"She's a fighter. She'll be ok," Ironhide says mostly to himself.

Sunstreaker follows Sideswipe, trying to get him to pull over. Sideswipe drives out of the city and through a clear path through the woods, which Sunstreaker finds unusual. Sideswipe's holoform steps out of his alt mode and walks down the rest of the path. Sunstreaker follows him, wondering where Sideswipe is going. 

A half-hour walk later brings the two to a body of water.
"Sideswipe, what are you thinking of doing?!" Sunstreaker asks, alarmed.
"You really think I'd drive all this way to kill myself by drowning?" Sideswipe asks, "I killed her, Sunstreaker."
"I know why you think that way, but you didn't."
"If you thought of her as another annoying hunan," he sobs as tears roll down his face, "she wouldn't have been attacked."
"You know how hard it is for me to say this, but you are right. Ratchet told me we only get an idea of how Jamie is by reading her file; it's better to observe. Even though I did only for an hour-."
"You found her to be an interesting human," Sideswipe smiles, wiping the tears from his eyes, "and now we'll never get the chance to be her friends...or...."
"Or what, Sideswipe?"
"Call her our sister like Lightning does."
Sunstreaker isn't sure about going as far as calling Jamie his sister, but he didn't want to tell Sideswipe he didn't agree with the idea. Sunstreaker does agree with Sideswipe's request to camp at their location for the night. 
Sideswipe isn't sure if he'll return to the base, knowing it'll be several weeks before Jamie recovers. 
I can't watch her fight for her life, watch her guardians suffer so much pain and the sadness the others will feel. That is, if she's not gone. Sideswipe thinks as he watches the water flow down the river.
On the other hand, Sideswipe wants to hurt the soldiers who hurt Jamie and, in turn, Sunstreaker.