Haven ✔️

Ch. 60 When Will This End

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
I didn't think the plan would continue. Except for it's in the medbay room I was taken to. I don't know if it's necessary or not that I have to be taken to the medbay every time I pass out. Ratchet didn't give me anything.  It's Jamie I'm worried about.
I sit up on the bed. Drift sits closest to the bed, with Jamie on his lap. Optimus, Ratchet, Rung, and Drift tell Jamie how I want to be Jamie's friend and that I won't hurt her guardians or Lightning. I didn't think Ratchet would tell her how my anxiety results from being afraid to talk to Jamie and hating her fear of me. Crosshairs, Drift, Lightning, and Sideswipe tell her how hard I'm trying and what I did after getting her back to the base. I know this is repetitive, but there's little we can add.
Jamie has heard most of what Rung is telling her. I hate how Jamie ends up crying as she's telling us she's afraid I'll hurt the others or not like how she is. I know she means her mental struggle and medical condition. It hurt when she said 'like everyone else'. I know she's thinking about humans, but if she's worried I'll hate how she is eventually, what does she think about the newcomers wanting to befriend her? We'll find out eventually.
I look at Drift, who thankfully knows what I'm looking to do, and nods. No one stops me as I get off the bed to pick Jamie up.
I didn't think she'd hug me and rest her head on
my shoulder. Drift has me lie on the bed with Jamie on me. He raised the head of the bed to forty-five degrees. 
I didn't think Jamie would lean on me. She's quiet, but tears still roll down her face. Crosshairs gives me a tissue to clean her face. I don't know what to say. She's tired of hearing the same things over and over. I've already told her everything I want to tell her.

Jamie ends up falling asleep. I'm tired from these damn anxiety attacks. The others agree to let Jamie stay on me. I don't know if this is a good idea, even if we can argue Jamie letting herself fall asleep on me is a good sign of trust. I'm beginning to regret ignoring her all those years before the scrap with Sentinel, and we had to go into hiding. I regret finding out the hard way that  Jamie watched me kill, which makes her terrified for her mechs' safety. Knowing she didn't dream that Lightning was killed is not much better. I want her at least to feel safe and to be near me. This will be harder to work on than Lily, and I don't know if she'll be back.
This was good. Sideswipe says through the bond.
Hard to know with how complicated Jamie is. I hope she'll at least want to be with me without us having to plan before the holidays. At least then, she'll feel she can return to this dimension.
I let myself fall asleep.

Drift's P.O.V.
Crosshairs and I put the bars of the bed up. I cover our two friends with a blanket. We're the last to leave the room.

"This is good," Rung points out.
"I do believe it'll be easier for Sunstreaker to spend time with Jamie," Ratchet adds, "you two ok?"
"I'm not liking that the scrap that's been going on can actually be considered a good thing," Crosshairs replies, "how likely would Mirage have asked Jamie to go on the mission otherwise? But I also think the situation with Sunstreaker is what had Jadin waiting for them. Her plan might not have gone through, and we wouldn't have discovered the device."
I hate agreeing, but he's right. This is so fragged up. The situation with Sunstreaker has mostly stayed the same, but recovery from surgery is helping. My concern is, does Jamie feel safe here? More mentally than physically. She can defend herself if need be. This all started from a nightmare about watching Sunstreaker kill years ago. Optimus and Rung believe it's due to Jamie's relationship with Crosshairs and me. She worries about everybot, but Optimus agrees that Jamie, Crosshairs, and I are like family. In a way, I'm happy Jamie's nightmare didn't include Lightning. Lightning knows about the nightmare but doesn't think Jamie thinks less of her. Jamie hasn't been in this dimension in a year, and she left as she and Lightning became friends. With Jamie likely asleep for two hours, Crosshairs and I go to the lounge room.

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
I thought I heard crying in my dream, but I realize it's Jamie. Even if her mechs are in the hallway — which I hope they haven't been in the hallway all this time waiting — they won't hear me since the walls are metal and the door is closed.
I move to the edge of the bed, holding Jamie.
Sideswipe, Jamie is crying. I want help ready in case I can't calm her down. I tell Sideswipe.
You'll be fine, but ok. Sideswipe argues.
I don't know, Sideswipe.
In all this time, Jamie hasn't woken up. I worry she thinks my moving her is happening in the dream. This is not good. I move her one last time to hug her. By now, she's stopped crying.
"Jamie, you're safe. It's just a dream."
Damn it, I don't think talking to her helped.
I don't know what else to do aside from walking around the room. I can't leave her to get Drift, but I think hearing my voice isn't helping.
Sideswipe, I'm going to need help now. I urge.
You'll be fine. Sideswipe claims.
Jamie is getting tired of hearing the same things, but there's nothing different I can say. Jamie stops crying. She doesn't try to get free from my hug.
I raise the head of the bed and lie on the bed, Jamie on my lap, leaning on me. 

I didn't think Lightning would be the one walking in. She moves a chair by the bed.
"Let me take her," she insists.
I know she's not looking to leave with Jamie.
Lightning sits on the chair with Jamie sitting on her lap. I'm unsure if what she's saying is wise in this situation, even if she's right. I doubt Lightning likes using what she did as an example of how Jamie and I can be friends and how Jamie can learn to trust.