Haven ✔️

Ch. 47 What Do You Want Me To Say

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
It's been an interesting three days. Lightning is still pissed at me but appears to have given up arguing with me. Ratchet stopped the drugs keeping Jamie in a coma yesterday but told us it's normal for Jamie to take a day to wake up. He can't take Jamie off the ventilator due to the protocol around medically induced comas. Lightning worries about Jamie seeing me even if she'll still be out of it. I told Jamie's guardians I needed to see her wake up and see that she's ok. I don't care if I must wait in the hallway with the shade mostly down.
"I swear I want to be your friend," I tell Jamie, even though she's still unconscious while holding her hand.

Drift's P.O.V.
I can't believe Sunstreaker has been sitting in the hallway for an hour. I told him I'd tell him how Jamie is, and Crosshairs said he'd try a video call, depending on if Jamie is distraught and he needs to help me calm her down as we try to avoid drugs when she's upset. Ratchet waits with us, hoping to keep Jamie calm and remove the tube.

It's another three hours before Jamie wakes up. Sunstreaker is still waiting. I can't believe how anxious he is, considering how long we've been waiting for Jamie to wake up.
"Easy, I'll take that out," Ratchet explains.
Ratchet takes the breathing tube out and has Jamie drink a little water, "you might need to be put on oxygen," he warns and leaves the room. Crosshairs and I are trained for this.
I take Jamie's hand, hoping she'll stay calm. Ratchet is still running the EEG. It sucks because I can't hold her, but Ratchet explained he wants to monitor brain activity once Jamie awakens. He also says the same as when Jamie is unconscious from a flare-up applies; she won't be awake for long.
This is the first time Lightning is seeing this. Crosshairs and I talked about this. It's hard seeing this, but Lightning wants to be more involved in Jamie's care. Everything is looking good; there's no sign of damage from the device being removed. No loss of speech or movement. Though he couldn't have Jamie walk with the EEG. Ratchet leaves the room.
"Time for a nap, ok?" I ask.
Jamie is already tired, but she is fighting sleep.
Lightning tells Jamie she'll stay here. It's still twenty minutes before Jamie is asleep.
We leave the room to talk.

"That's not good for her to already be thinking of him!" Lightning yells, looking at Sunstreaker.
"That's not it," Ratchet interrupts, "it's normal for a patient who just awoke from a coma to be agitated. There's no way Jamie is already thinking about the problem we need to deal with."
We decide to get lunch, knowing Jamie will be asleep for at least three hours. Though I worry we'll be wrong.

Lightning tries to get Crosshairs and me to change our minds about letting Sunstreaker befriend Jamie or even near her as the four of us walk down the hall. No matter how many times Crosshairs and I repeat ourselves. This is going to cause another challenge.

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
I don't know what to say, but I can't blame Lightning for hating me. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd be telling me to stay away from Lily if Lily came here today. Even while the others aren't as protective. I know everyone worries I'll turn on Lily and kill her, but I'm not banned from going near her. 
"What do you want me to say?!" I ask, annoyed, "you have no fragging idea how hard this is. I hate what I've done to Jamie's mental state. I don't want her to be afraid of me even if I didn't want her to be my friend."
I should leave these three alone for a while.

I find Sideswipe at a table in the cafeteria once I get my food. He's happy to hear Jamie woke up, but I had to explain how she'll still be tired and is back to sleep. His happiness dies off hearing Lightning once again raged out at me.
"... that's not good for Jamie to see. I don't know if she can sense how pissed Lightning is at me, but if she can sense that. This is beyond fixing."
I feel Sideswipe's disappointment. It's odd that he regrets his idea and doesn't know what to say. He rarely regrets an idea.

We didn't think there'd be a meeting with the medics, Jamie's guardians, and sister. As Ratchet explains how long Jamie's recovery will take, I wonder why Optimus and Prowl weren't part of the meeting. Knowing how serious of a surgery Jamie had, I'd rather be safe and wait four to eight weeks to work on the issues.
"...we won't be able to do much for a few weeks as Jamie will tire quickly, but I think Sunstreaker watching T.V. with her is a good start," Ratchet explains.
"Not when she's supposed to avoid stress," I argue, "I know that is important for her recovery. Forget it, guys. I'm out of time."
Why bother arguing that Lily will miss me? I don't know if Luke has forbidden her from going near me.

Lightning's P.O.V.
"Now you see why we're not telling him to stay away?" Crosshairs asks as we watch Sunstreaker leave the room, "true, what he's done is scrap, but he's not pleased about it.
Unfortunately, he'll unlikely change completely, but his caring about Lily and Jamie is a huge step for him."
"We need to at least get Jamie to know her guardians are safe," Ratchet adds, "you know Crosshairs and Drift are careful with Jamie. Especially with the major surgery she had."
It sucks that no matter what, Jamie will struggle mentally. I've learned this has been a challenge for years.
Crosshairs and Drift stay with Jamie, though she's still asleep, while I go find Sunstreaker.

I watch Sunstreaker in the training room. Punching a punching bag to death. I see he's more frustrated than pissed. What a fragging disaster. He's going to be furious to talk.
"Where are you going?" Sunstreaker asks. I turn around to face him but don't know what to say. Sunstreaker sighs, "I don't know what I can do to prove that I want to be Jamie's friend. I hate how much I've hurt her. Why am I even telling you all this?"
With that, Sunstreaker walks into the shower room. I hope things get better.