Haven ✔️

Ch. 53 All an Act

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
I don't feel relaxed after the drug and nap. I'm just not dealing with anxiety like before Ratchet injected the drug. Sure, that's a lot better, but I want to stop fearing I'll be sent to Cybertron and lose Lily. I can't tell what Jamie wants nor know if I can avoid her if she's terrified that I'll kill her family. It could be worse. She thinks of family as in all the Autobots, but with her relationship with Crosshairs, Drift, and Lightning, this is likely just as bad.
I watch Drift walk into the room, carrying Jamie, asleep again.
"Ratchet says this is normal and should slowly get better," Drift explains. "you coming with us?"
"I don't know — what are you doing?"
Drift lays Jamie on me though the head of the bed is raised, "no, get her off me."
"She's not going to be pissed."
Drift sits on the chair by the bed.

Jamie wakes up, looks at me, and rests her head on my chest. I'm hoping she's listening to my heartbeat. 
The room is quiet, and we hear her stomach.
"Time to meet the others in the hangar," Drift comments, "even if we didn't hear your stomach."
I take the chance and carry Jamie.

The others are surprised to see me carrying Jamie.
Don't even. This is not the end of our problems. I tell Sideswipe. She just woke up and is tired.
Drift takes Jamie from me, putting her on the passenger side of his alt mode.

Jamie is more alert by the time we get to the restaurant. I don't know about Crosshairs and Drift's decision to have me take Crosshairs' place next to Jamie, and he sits next to me. 
I don't know what to talk about. I didn't think Drift would bring up my art room and how Jamie likes drawing. She doesn't paint like I do, but there's a possible idea in a few months. I can't even talk to Jamie without getting anxious.
I'm amazed Lightning agreed to dinner, and now she's suggesting going to Panera Bread and the park.

We return to the base to park our alt modes. Our chosen locations are in walking distance from the base. 
"I think she's not livid at you," Lightning comments, "Jamie doesn't talk much, so you can't say that means she hates you. During the eight months Jamie was at Cade and Vivien's house in England, I spent mostly livid at her. I...tried to kill her."
This surprises me. It's clear Lightning still feels guilty for what she did, but I wasn't expecting tears.
"And now Jamie sees you as a sister," I remind her as I hug her.
I see the others watching. Great, they probably think I insulted her. Lightning realizes we're being watched and explains what's happening while holding on to me. Jamie is not livid. Quickly, I'm told to sit on the floor. I won't argue, knowing my anxiety was a frequent problem today.

Once the others believe I'm ok, we resume our plan. Except for Crosshairs and Lightning are going to the park to talk. Sideswipe is worried about why Lightning is crying.
"I didn't say anything. She tried to assure me Jamie's silence was normal and talked about bad memories. I don't know if I should say anything.
"If it's something that still bothers her, then no. Leave her alone."

Jamie's P.O.V.
Should have known this was all an act.
"Fragging lying glitch!" I yell and punch Sunstreaker with my casted wrist.
He falls to the ground.
"Stop, he didn't do anything," Lightning claims and stops me, "I was telling him how we used to hate each other, that I...," Lightning stops, tears rolling down her face.
I know what she was going to say. Remembering how much she hated me.
Sunstreaker has a heavy double nosebleed.
Crosshairs gets right to helping him, though there's little he can do to help.

Once the bleeding stops, we find a picnic table to eat the cookies. The downside of not returning to the base is not having cups to fill with milk to dip the cookies in. It can't be done with bottled milk. Sunstreaker only stays for a short time.
The others are concerned, but he can get lost.
"He wants to be your friend," Sideswipe claims, "he's terrified to be sent to Cybertron and not be your friend. You saw how bad his anxiety gets."
That's when I sensed the odd energy from him several times today.
"No way he's going to change completely, but how much he's trying to befriend you is a big change for him," Drift adds.
"I feel sadness from him," Sideswipe says.
"The relaxant is still working," Drift adds, "I worry about after the drug wears off. Shouldn't be until six in the morning."

Sunstreaker's P.O.V.
I went to the medbay to have Ratchet check if Jamie broke my nose. Even with the situation, he couldn't believe what she did.
"She thought I threatened Lightning, but Lightning was telling me about how her and Jamie's relationship was two years ago."
"Lightning is finally on your side," Ratchet comments. "I'm not sure if that'll be helpful."
"I can't leave Lily, but I'm going to Cybertron if Jamie continues to hate me."
I don't know if Ratchet knows I want to be Jamie's friend, but at this point, avoiding Cybertron is my goal. Tears roll down my face as I tell Ratchet all this. There isn't anything Ratchet or even Optimus can do. I remember Drift tried to defend me, and Jamie even thought he was lying.