Can't Stop | HoonSuk [✓]

09

Time sure flies so fast. It has been almost 10 years since I graduated from High School. And it has been more than 10 years since I knew Park Jihoon. We're friends even till now. When I told him that I'm getting enlist, he told me that he's going to enlist as well. We finished our mandatory military service at almost similar time. I was hoping he would come and visit me from time to time, but instead he got enlisted just a few days after. Who am I to complain about it, right? But still.

We attended the same college after high school. It almost feels like he's following me around. Maybe because I'm the only friend who didn't leave him because of the rumors about him. He probably relied on me so much because I'm staying. But that's probably because I have a crush on him to begin with. That's why those rumors don't affect me at all. Even after Somyi sunbaenim, there are some other girls asking me out. But their intention is as clear as day. They are going to use me to get close with Jihoon anyway. As if I would let them.

Park Jihoon looked like he adores me just as friends even though I actually have a crush on him. It's not like I can tell him. I don't know if he will be fine with a same gender relationship. He didn't even show any interest in any relationship as a whole. It makes me just try hard to stop my feelings toward him. That was why I accepted those confessions even though I know that they are not really going for me. Who knows I can fall for any of them if I tried. And after several years, I know that it just won't happen that way. I just like him a little too much.

I tried to put a distance between us. I tried to ignore him and not meet him. But he will always come back for me. Seeing his face just made me realize that I can't just leave him alone. Remembering what Ahn Yujin told me in high school makes me want to stay by his side even more.

It's not just pity. I know. I've tried so hard to deny it. But my heart keeps searching for him. It has become unbearable. I just decided to accept it. I stopped accepting those confessions. I don't care anymore. Even if they actually wanted to date me for who I am, I just can't. Because I know that I will only have a feeling toward Park Jihoon.

Just staying as his friend is not enough to be honest. But what should I do? By staying by his side, even just as a friend, I can keep seeing him without having trouble thinking of any excuse to see him. I can just call him, asking him to hang out. He won't think much about it either.

It's only, I can't exactly tell him about my feelings toward him. But it's okay. As long as I can keep being near to him, I'm fine with everything.

The notification of a message requesting my service for the photoshoot service stopped my thoughts. I looked at my computer and replied to the client.

I've started this business for almost 5 years already if I'm not mistaken. It was started just to impress Jihoon. Yes. I started this just to make Jihoon look at me and give me more attention. I started to ask him to teach me photography just to make him spend more time with me, doing things that he likes.

Now, I just fall for it. I enjoy taking pictures too now. Especially if it's Park Jihoon. I used to secretly take Jihoon's pictures when we hung out together and I kept it in one SD card. The pictures of him that I took secretly keep on increasing as time goes by. There are just a few pictures of Jihoon that I saved on my phone. The pictures that he himself was aware that I took. But yeah. I just realized that we rarely even took selfies together. Is that how friends are? I wanted to take pictures with him too. But it's just a little awkward just to casually ask him to take a selfie together.

No. I am just a coward.

But yeah. I still manage to be with Jihoon up till now. More than 10 years already. It's an achievement. 

While I was sorting things on my computer, suddenly I got a call. It's from Park Jihoon. I couldn't even hide my smile just by seeing his name on my phone screen. If anyone is around me, they might give me a judging look. I took a deep breath before I answered the call.