For Her, He Will

Chapter Twenty - You have always been enough.

"You wanna tell me what you and Dr. Jenkins talked about?" Kayce asked as he leaned against the bathroom doorframe.

Oakley turned around to face him from the sink, pulling her hair into a messy ponytail. Kayce had just gotten Tate down for the night and Oakley was already in one of Kayce's shirts to sleep in.

"How tired are you?" Oakley asked, crossing her arms.

"Why?" Kayce raised an eyebrow.

"Because," Oakley shrugged, walking past him into the bedroom. "You might not like what I have to say and if you're already tired then I don't want to make it worse for you tonight."

"Baby, I've been tired for weeks now," Kayce watched Oakley pull down the covers on their bed and climb in. "I don't think there's anything you could tell me that would make me more tired than I already am."

Oakley sat back against her pillows and looked at Kayce.

"Go get ready for bed and then we can talk," Oakey smiled softly. "I wanna talk tonight...with you."

Kayce smiled and turned, going back into the bathroom while Oakley tried to think of the best way to approach the topic of telling Kayce how she felt about the accident with Monica. She kept wanting to bring Tate into it, but she knew this was about her and Kayce.

It was like Dr. Jenkins had opened a can of worms by telling Oakley to forgive herself. But now she felt like the worms were falling all around her and she couldn't pick them up fast enough to save them.

Kayce walked back into the room in a white t-shirt and boxers, crawling into bed next to Oakley. He laid down more, head back on his pillow, looking at her expectantly. Taking a deep breath, Oakley shimmied down to rest next to Kayce, her head propped up by her bent elbow with her arm thrown over his chest. Kayce wrapped an arm under and around her.

"I love you, Kayce," Oakley felt herself get a little emotional already. "So much."

"I love you too, baby," Kayce squeezed her gently. "What happened?"

"Dr. Jenkins told me the nightmares are happening because I won't move on from the accident," Oakley said.

"Move on?" Kayce asked. "As in what way?"

"I'm holding onto the past," Oakley tried to remember everything that was said. "That I'm trying to make the present fit back into the past, but it can't."

"Alright," Kayce nodded but Oakley could see him struggling to follow her.

"He said..." Oakley took a breath. "He said that part of me blames myself because I'm here...and Monica isn't."

Kayce leaned his head back, staring up at Oakley.

"And that there's even a part of me that's punishing myself because I took her away from Tate," Oakley nodded. "And, in a weird way,  from you."

"You didn't take her away from me," Kayce shook his head. "You didn't take her away from anyone. It was an accident that took her away."

"I feel like I did though...and I think I've been too preoccupied in trying to apologize to you and Tate," Oakley paused and remembered this was about Kayce and her. "To you...in the way of taking care of you. To be more than enough for you. Trying to be what you need and trying to make you not take care of me...if that makes any sense at all?"

"You have been distant to me when it comes to taking care of you," Kayce's hand ran up and down Oakley's back. "I just chalked it up to you not feeling well and just everything you've been through."

"I think I feel I don't deserve to be with you like that, that I'm not being enough for you," Oakley bit her lip to keep the tears from falling. "I think I feel like I shouldn't be given any kindness from you. But I want it...God, Kayce, do I want it...but then it's like something snaps inside me and I get really nervous."