Dance of Fate

Chapter Thirteen

The following weeks went by slowly. I didn't do much besides train with Amren- which wasn't getting anywhere useful- and read. I'd sometimes take walks with Mor, or spar with Cassian, but it seemed like everyone was busy recently.

No one told me what was going on, but then again, I never asked. I snuck out of the House every single night to the same little pub. It was the only thing I had tried so far that was able to numb the ever-present pain that haunted me every moment of every day, threatening to drown me. There was nothing I could do to stop the nightmares, though. It was also the only thing thing that helped calm my magic.

I"d been laying in bed since sunrise, trying to fall back asleep after I'd had the same nightmare for about the tenth time.

Amarantha hadn't been there, which is what separated it from my usual nightmares. Mor, Cassian, Amren and Rhysand were all dead. Not at my hand for once, it seemed. We were surrounded by guards, and three of them were grasping tightly onto me, to the point where I could not move. There were other people there as well, all alive- Tamlin, Lucien and Feyre. And two other females, who I did not recognize.

A few feet in front of me, an unfamiliar male sat atop a throne, grinning at me. His eyes were cold, as if no emotion had ever been present in them. And then there was the part of the dream I would never be able to get out of my mind.

Azriel, kneeling in front of me, a pool of blood forming around him. Every single time, he would turn to look at me, his face the picture of agony, his eyes filled with pain and desperation. "Don't do it Asteria," He would always beg me. I always tried to ask him what I wasn't supposed to do, but my lips would never move to form the words.

And then a bright light would fill the room, and Azriel's body would fall limp to the ground. The sensation of the usual pull in my chest vanishing in the blink of an eye never grew any less tormenting. And after it was completely gone, I would lose control over myself.

At least every time I awoke, the pull in my chest was still there. It wasn't as intense as it used to be, before Under the Mountain- but I didn't think it ever would be. I had pushed him away too much at this point. I finally forced the thought out of my head, deciding there was no point in contemplating the dream any longer- it made no sense. And trying to make sense out of it caused me more pain than it was worth.

It was also becoming difficult to ignore the fact that my power grew more restless every day. Drinking helped keep it dormant- if only for a few hours. It seemed like it was a being, living inside of me, demanding to be unleashed. It was becoming agonizing- my head hurt all the time, and I could feel it restlessly prowling beneath my skin. I went to the woods at least once a day unleash a large amount of it, so far away that no one could see or feel it. It still didn't seem to be enough.

Hiding it was also becoming extremely difficult. More often than not, when I would wake from a nightmare, my power would lash out in some way. I slept with a sonic shield around my room, so no one could when I inevitably broke something. So far, I hadn't had any outburst in front of anyone other than the incident with Cassian. Thankfully, he and Azriel had kept their mouths shut.

I knew I needed to find a solution. Quickly, before it drove me insane, and before I really hurt someone. I contemplated going to Rhys for help, as Azriel had suggested. His power was similar to mine, so therefore he might know what to do. But then I remembered everything he was enduring. Between the Court, his own trauma from the last five decades- though of course, he constantly assured everyone he was fine, but I knew it was a lie- and Feyre... Mor had told me that she was now engaged to Tamlin. Rhys pretended not to care, unsurprisingly. I couldn't give him another thing to worry about.

Amren might know. She knew just about everything- though our training seemed to be proven useless so far. Suddenly, an idea surged in my mind. It wasn't a good idea. It was probably a stupid one, even, but it might work.