Dance of Fate

Chapter Seventy Eight

Another day passed, and still, Azriel did not wake. 

The healers told me to prepare myself. 

I kneeled beside Azriel, stroking his dark hair back with a trembling hand. My other hand was intertwined with his, the coolness of the ring on his finger pressing against my skin. 

I watched the rise and fall of his chest. It was almost like he was sleeping. If I ignored everything else, he could have been sleeping. 

"I love you." I whispered, tears streaking down my face. "I've loved you since you saved me from the Prison. You never told me that it was you who found me- but I knew.

"I've always known. You're the only thing I've ever known for certain. When I was Under the Mountain, the thought of you was the only thing that kept me going. You saved me, so many times. In so many ways." My voice broke, a sob creeping up my throat. 

When I finally regained my voice, I kept speaking, even if he couldn't hear me. "It all seems so stupid now. That we ever tried to stay away from each other. Because even if I betrayed you, even if I made you hate me... I know you always loved me." Through my tears, I smiled. 

"I don't regret it anymore. I don't regret any of it. Because even if most of it was terrible, even if I hated most of my life, I met you. And if this is all the time we had..." A shattered breath stole my words.

"I will look for you, in every life. I will wait for you. Always." As I made the vow, I buried my face into his neck. Let the tears flow, let the sobs surface. 

Through my weeping, I felt his breath catch in his throat. The hand that my own was clasped around twitched. 

Hope was a suffocating thing as I sat up, holding my breath. 

He took a long breath. His hand tightened around mine. 

And then he opened his eyes. 

Hazel eyes met mine. They filled with warmth. His lips curved into a smile. "Always," he said.

I started sobbing all over again.

...

It all seemed like a dream as Azriel held me tightly in the night. It had only been hours since he had miraculously awoken. A miracle- that's what the healers had said. 

I didn't care what it had been, only that he was alive. And now, nothing would ever come between us again. I would let nothing come between us again.

My head rested on Azriel's chest, over his beating heart. The steady, strong sound was better than any melody. His wing was draped over me, one arm wrapped around my stomach, the other playing with the strands of my hair. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered after hours of silence. "For Hybern. For all of it. I'm so sorry, Azriel." 

He shifted and I lifted my head to look at him. Through the darkness, I could just make out the flawless curves of his face. His expression was serious. His hazel eyes gleamed in the night. 

"I'm sorry I pushed you away." His voice was barely above a whisper. "I was-"

"Scared. I know." His eyes gleamed. 

You have to let him in. 

Cassian's words rang in my head. And I knew, that if nothing was going to keep us apart, I had to.

Azriel watched me intently. I lay my head back on his chest, and his arms tightened around me.

And I told him everything.

I told him of the visions of the day in the throne room, how I'd first had them fifty years ago. How I had pieced it together too late, and done the only thing I could think of to keep them all alive. How I couldn't bear to feel the pain of losing him. I told him of wiping the queen's minds so that I could say I had sold out Velaris. Of gambling when I lied about selling Nesta and Elain out. I told him how I had schemed every single day, how I had forced myself to feel nothing. How I had done everything, gone against my own morals, to try to obtain as much information as I could. How I had barely slept because I could not bear to see him in my dreams.

I told him how I had spun lies and half truths of Prythian, of the Night Court. How I had found Rhysand in the streets, and warped his memories. How I had cried that day for the first time since I had left. I told him how I had started to nullify the Cauldron, how it had secretly been nullifying me at the same time. I told him of the king's fascination of me, of how he truly believed the prophecy he had spoken of was true. Of how Orion had always seen through my act. How I had stopped the Cauldron from destroying the wall. 

I told him of when Hybern had made me choose a court to attack. Of how I'd risked everything by sending the Night Court a warning, one I knew Azriel would realize was from me. I told him of my first visit to the war camp, of when I'd killed the human to spare her from any further suffering. How I had started to plant my power into the structure of the camp, started winnowing the humans back to their homes in secret. I told him of the blond male who we'd encountered during the battle, how he'd invited me to bed and then threatened me. How I'd almost given up that day. 

I told him of Tamlin keeping my secret that I had not been the one to sell out Feyre's sisters. I told him of the blond male appearing again in the throne room, bloodied and tortured. Of how I'd broken at the mention that Azriel had asked about me for a moment, and it had made Hybern realize I was a liar. I told him of the dream I'd sent him, telling him I needed him to trust me. 

I told him of the visions of the Cauldron, the same one I'd had repeatedly for years. Of how it had come true when Hybern had possessed me with it. I told him of the agony, the hatred and the guilt it made me feel. Of the memories it made me relive, again and again. I told him of how I had almost broken, until I had seen my mother. 

I told him of how he'd broken me free from the Cauldron's hold. How when I'd seen him, I'd started to remember. That the love I felt for him had overcome the hate and the guilt, how it had overcome even the Cauldron's power. I told him how once I saw what I had done to Adriata, I had lost control. I told him how Orion had found me and taken me away. I told him of how he and Hybern had tortured me. 

I told him how the ring had saved him that day. How when I had slipped it onto his finger that day in the throne room, I had imbued it with my power, not knowing if it would work. But it had.

I told him that I regretted telling the High Lords I could nullify the Cauldron. That now that I knew what it felt like to almost lose him, I would never make him feel that. 

When I was finally done, I turned up to look at his face. Tears streaked down his cheeks. His hazel eyes glistened, filled with an endless stream of emotions. 

For a moment, I wondered if he was horrified. If he hated me for it. 

But he pressed a hand to my face. His wing wrapped tighter around me. "It was not for nothing." He said. 

I buried my face into his neck, and he rested his own against my hair. 

And intertwined with each other, we slept. 

...