Dance of Fate

Chapter Thirty Six

"Again," I panted, gripping my sword tighter at the hilt. Despite the chill of the morning, sweat trickled down my heated face. I quickly wiped my forehead with the back of my hand before positioning myself into a fighting stance.

Cassian, who looked like he wanted to say something yet kept his lips pursed, did the same. His frown deepened as I struck, my arm screaming in pain at the movement. I ignored it, striking again after Cassian blocked my initial attack with ease.

With each movement the pain amplified, until it felt like my entire body was on fire. Still, I did not stop, did not even so much as slow my strikes, which Cassian continued to block and dodge halfheartedly.

I aimed another blow at Cassian's side- but it was sloppy and barely had any strength behind it, and the male quickly stepped to the side. I stumbled forward as my blade was met with nothing but air. I forced myself to stand, purposely leaning most of my weight on my injured ankle.

"Again." I said, turning to face Cassian, sword at the ready. But the male sheathed his own sword and crossed his arms, an unusually stern look on his face.

"We've been at this all morning. You need to rest." The general said. I rolled my eyes.

"I've been resting for days. I'm fine now." I insisted. I had been resting- six days, to be exact. Yet Madja had said I needed a few more before I was back to even half my usual strength. But that wasn't good enough, not when we were on the brink of war. There was no time to lay in bed. And I might go insane if I did- my power relentlessly churning under my skin, with nothing to distract me from it, no way to let it out...

My broken ankle was almost fully healed, anyway. My shoulder too, though I didn't have full mobility of it yet. As for my ribs, they still hurt, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. Still, it was beyond frustrating not being able to fight well enough. The fact that Cassian was going easy on me was infuriating, and his insistence I rest even more so.

The Illyrian sighed. "You're exhausted. And don't say you aren't, because I can hear your heart." I scoffed, cursing my traitorous body for giving me away. "You'll never recover if you don't let your body heal." Cassian added in a softer tone.

It was clear he wouldn't keep sparring with me, so there was no point in continuing to argue. I sighed, sheathing my own sword. "Fine, you mother hen."

For a moment he looked taken aback- probably that I had given up so easily. "Well that's a first," he muttered under his breath. I rolled my eyes, punching him halfheartedly in the stomach.

"Don't get used to it."

I didn't actually rest, though. After Cassian left, I went to my rooms and bathed quickly, before winnowing to the mountains.

Madja had said to try not to use my power- but Azriel and I had exchanged a knowing glance. No one but him and I knew that that was impossible. At this point I couldn't go more than a few hours without using power. More than that and my body started to shut down.

But I was no longer releasing it in any way, as I used to. Now I did exercises with my magic, trying to control it as best as possible. Lifting heavy rocks and slowly putting them down, summoning only a kernel of power at a time- things that helped me develop control over my ever growing power.
It wasn't going too well, but at least I was making some sort of progress.

I hadn't told anyone what I was doing. Not even Azriel. Though I had not seen him much, not since my breakdown the other day. I had tried not to think about it- the dark thoughts that had invaded my mind until it was overwhelming to be inside my own head. Azriel had not asked any questions. He had left me in my bed, and then left. I wondered if he realized I could tell that he had stayed on the roof all night.