Dance of Fate

Chapter Seventy Seven

We had barely won. Cassian had almost died. Nesta had found Hybern's true army. Feyre had possibly found the key to nullifying the Cauldron without either of us dying.

I couldn't bring myself to care about any of it.

Not when Azriel still hadn't woken.

I didn't even care that my power had been violently thrashing since I had woken. That dread had seemed to course through my body in the same way it had before the Cauldron had destroyed the wall. Sometimes I even swore I could hear it singing amongst the whispers of the wind.

I ignored it.

Only hours had passed since I had stormed into the tent. Since I had kneeled beside Azriel for hours, sobbing until I had no tears left, until my voice was hardly more than an uneven rasp.

Hours into the night, the moon shining high in the sky, the camp finally fell into silence. No one was outside their tents this late.

I kneeled at the edge of a cliffside, a few miles away from the camp. I'd wandered there, desperate to get away from everything. Unable to watch as Azriel breathed softly, physically fine, but still not waking, for another minute.

One wrong move, and I would fall. It was high enough that the drop would kill me. I wondered if it would be worth it to save myself if I did.

It was all my fault.

The deaths in Adriata. The deaths Under the Mountain. The deaths of my father's legion. My mother's death. Azriel.

It was all my fault.

I couldn't find a reason for it all anymore. I couldn't find a way to justify everything that had happened, everything that I had done. I wanted to scream at the sky, wanted to beg for an explanation. Wanted to curse whatever gods had made my like this, had destined me to this cruel fate. 

I knew I had done good in my life. I knew I had saved people. But my hands were so stained with blood that I could no longer see the skin beneath. My soul was so shredded that I wasn't sure it was worth anything anymore. 

The pain could never dull. The deaths could not be undone. The blood could not be washed away. The sins could not be forgiven. 

And for what? What had it all been for in the end? The only person who had ever truly understood me was going to die. And his blood was on my hands. 

There was so much blood. 

I couldn't understand why. Why had I been destined to this? Why was this my fate? What had I done to deserve this?

When the empty sky offered me no explanation, I closed my eyes, the chill of the wind a soothing touch against my skin.

When I opened them, I was surrounded by darkness and glittering stars.

And amidst the darkness and shimmering lights, there was a figure. A female. With hair as dark as the void space in which I stood, skin as pale as the moon.

It was like looking in a mirror- but not. My features were the exact same, just as they were in any reflection. But the look in her eyes... no guilt swam there. No anger. No grief. Only... serenity.

"Who... what are you?" I asked.

Red lips lifted in a warm smile. "I was sent to you." Her voice was the same as mine, yet it was not. It was... older, and wiser.

"Sent to me?" I breathed. "But... you're me."

She shook her head, dark hair swishing with the movement. "No, I am not. I appear to you in the form that is the most comforting to you." The female explained.

I reigned in the urge to scoff. My own reflection had provided me many things, and comfort was certainly not on that list. I'd resented my own face for so long, to the point where I hadn't looked at my own reflection for years-

As if she read my thoughts, the female who was not me spoke. "I appear to you as the only person who has been with you through it all. The only person who has always been there for you, will always be there for you. The only person who truly understands you."

I could only blink at her.

"But that is not important." She took a step forward, violet eyes fixed on mine with a smoldering intensity.

"I don't... I don't understand." I shook my head, stumbling back a half step.

The female angled her head. "Don't you?" I paused. Stayed still as she again took a step towards me.

"Don't you understand it all?" It was a question, yet it was not.

"I..."

"The only thing holding you back, Asteria, is you." The strange female said. "You've had everything you needed all along. But you've stopped yourself from attaining what is yours."

She raised a slender hand, pressing it to my cheek. Her touch was warm. Soft. Comforting- just as she had said.

I leaned into the touch, staring into my own face.

"You must break free from your own hold." She said, her voice firm, yet kind. Her violet eyes- my eyes- sparkled.  "All you have done has lead you here."

She looked to the side, and suddenly my physical body was there, kneeling at the edge of the cliff. "Your knees are bruised. They are broken, tainted with purple. So why do you still kneel?"

I said nothing. 

"No one is coming to save you. You must save yourself. You must believe that it was not for nothing. That it all happened for a reason."

As she said the words, she began to fade. Her edges flickered. Her hair began to become one with the darkness.

"You must believe."

And then she was gone.

...