Dance of Fate

Chapted Fifty Two

-Velaris-

Azriel had lost track of how many days had passed since he had last seen her. He hardly acknowledged the passage of time at all. It was like he was paralyzed by it. Wether it was day or night held little importance, his life blending into one long and seemingly endless loop. He slept only when his body demanded him to, only long enough to survive. Never long enough to dream.

He couldn't remember how many days- or perhaps weeks- had passed since he had given up. Since Rhysand had told him the worst thing he had ever heard in his life.

He had been a stupid fool for trying to convince himself otherwise. He was still a fool for holding onto a shred of hope that it was not true, for holding onto nothing.

Azriel wondered what had been real, and what had not. If anything had been real. Had she ever loved him? Cared for him? He had loved her. He still did. Always would, perhaps. He wanted to laugh at his own stupidity, but he did not think himself capable of making such a sound.

Was she truly playing him, all this time? Had every touch, every oath, been a lie? Did she think of him now, in Hybern? Did she think of him every day, like he thought of her?

What if he never forgot her? What if this pain never ended?

Would it have made a difference if she knew they were mates? Perhaps it wouldn't. Perhaps she already knew, and didn't care.

Everything was hard. An effort. Eating. Sleeping. Breathing. It was all a task, taking all of his strength and will. It was hard to do anything, hard to be anywhere, when all he wanted was her.

She'd ruined him. Given him everything, yet nothing.

He could remember every moment they'd shared. Every promise they'd made, every confession and sweet nothing. He remembered it, all too well.

Those memories now felt like weapons, pointed at his deepest hurt. Threatening to drown him, to destroy him.

The wound wouldn't close, wouldn't even begin to heal. He couldn't let it go, no matter how much he distracted himself.

His mind was consumed with the thoughts of her and what they could have been if she had not left. If she had not walked away, and left him bleeding.

But it was long gone, he kept telling himself. There was nothing else he could do.

He regretted everything. He regretted her all the time.

But he didn't say any of these things to anyone. He never spoke of Asteria. Never listened when her name was mentioned. Not that anyone ever dared say her name anymore, especially in Azriel's presence.

He supposed he was grateful for it. Even if it didn't make a difference. He still couldn't forget her, even for a minute.

...

-Hybern-

It had been over a month since I had been in the kingdom of Hybern. I'd memorized every room in the crumbling palace, every hall and exit.

The rooms I wasn't allowed in- yet, I hoped- I saw through the minds of servants. They were all warded, so even if I concealed myself completely with my magic, I would be detected should I attempt to walk into them myself. Though there were some rooms even servants weren't allowed in.

As for figuring out Hybern's strategy in the war, I was not advancing as I had hoped. All I knew was that Hybern was allied with three other kingdoms, all in favor of the destruction of the wall and the revocation of the Treaty. Where and when they would attack, I had yet to find out.