Hate To Love You [A JJ Maybank love story]

Hurt

A/N- Hey guys, this one has talk of suicide and self harm, so if you aren't comfortable with that please skip.
fit

It's been a few weeks since Barry and I 'broke up' and honestly I've been so happy without him. I can wear whatever I want and say whatever I want, and I couldn't do that before because he wanted me to wear less revealing clothes, and he hated when I cussed or said anything negative in general. I've started cussing more and wearing shorts and crop tops again.

JJ and I are friends now and Im a pogue, after Barry and I broke up there want any reason for me to return to figure eight other than Sara, but the thing about being a pogue is her parents hate me so I can't see her anyways.

Right now I'm on the beach after swimming for a couple of hours, checking the comments on my most recent Insta post

TheBetter_Routlage

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Caption: Knew I was a robber, first time that he saw me, stealin' hearts and runnin' off and neva sayin' sorry (Fav song eva)

Comments-
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urgirl.emma- miss you girl!
^
TheBetter_Routlage- Lol what

Sara.Cam- Marry me please. 💍🤰
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TheBetter_Routlage- Omw 🏎️💨👰‍♀️

JJMay- delete the last one
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TheBetter_Routlage- no
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JJMay- please.
1 reaction: 👎🏻
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JJMay- I hate u.
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TheBetter_Routlage- No u don't
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JJMay- fuck u
^^^^
TheBetter_Routlage- you wish 💋

Barryy- Take me back
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JJMay- fuck off Barry
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TheBetter_Routlage- no 😝👎🏻

Kie.ara- Um photo creds pls
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TheBetter_Routlage- Sorry baby, ily 😻🤞🏻

TAP TO LOAD MORE

I decided I was done for the day and went inside to shower, with JJ right behind me the second he saw me, begging me to delete the last photo on my post.

"No, JJ. It's a cute photo, and my body looks amazing in it. I mean, I'd want to fuck me if I were a guy." I replied, smirking at his disgusted look at the ending part.

"Yes exactly, you're 15, you don't need to be showing off your body like that Brooke. Please delete it." He piped back, stepping i'm front of me to stop me from walking away.

"Why do you care so much?"

Maybe he does want to fuck me.

I thought to myself, right before internally laughing. JJ doesn't see me like that.

"I just do. Please delete it. I mean you're practically wearing no bottoms in it. Please." He does have a point

"K fine. But only because I kind of agree with you." I replied, going to instagram to delete it.
He thanked me, then I went to my room, got clothes, then went to take a shower.

Of course, it isn't really a shower without listening to music, so I grabbed my speaker and connected it to my phone and started playing some music by Taylor Swift.

I was in the middle of singing the bridge of Cruel Summer when my phone started ringing, ultimately pausing the song.

When I checked who it was, I didn't recognize the number, but I definitely recognized the area code. It was a Missouri number, and I have no business answering the phone if it's anyone in Missouri so I immediately declined. They tried to call me again, but I declined again. I decided that I would call them after my shower.

After my shower I got dressed and cleaned the bathroom, then headed to my room to give that person a call back. They picked up after almost 7 rings.

"Hello. This is Brooklyn, yes?" I'd recognized that voice anywhere.
"M-Mom?."
"Yes deary it's me, I was just calling to let you know that Jessica died, and since she made you her child's godmother, you have to come back to Missouri to take care of the poor thing."

Allow me to explain. Jessica was my mothers friend who had a baby when she was on drugs, eventually she got clean but by then her daughter was 2 and terrified because her mother and father were abusive. But Jessica made me Haileys godmother because I was the only one around that babysat and was good at it. I was only 13 When Hailey was born but like I said the night I ran away, I've been taking care of myself and others since I could walk.

"I-I can't. I have a life here, I have friends, I can't leave, an-and I have a job, and friends. I can't just leave here. Plus I'm only 15 so I can't be a mother." I wasn't lying, around 2 weeks ago I scored myself a job at The Wreck.

"You will come back or I'll call the police and inform them that you and John B are two minors, living on your own. Yes I'm aware that your father is dead, and that your uncle isn't there. So I suggest you book a plane ticket. Bye hun, have a nice flight!" And just like that she hung up.

Over the last two years I definitely formed a bond with Hailey, and I loved her like she was my own, but when I left, Jessica was clean, so I had nothing holding me back. I've missed her but I have the photos to look back on. I cannot return to Missouri, I can't become a mother, but I most definitely cannot let the state take me and John B. I turn 16 in 3 weeks, and I want to be here for that.

I felt a warm liquid drop onto my chest, and it wasn't until then that I realized I was crying. Everything was so so good. I can't go back, I'd get abused again. It feels like someone is squeezing on my heart and blocking my airway because my whole chest hurts and I can't breathe. I'm hyperventilating and I'm dizzy.
I'm having a panic attack.

It isn't the first time this has happened but I don't know how to stop it. I can't stop crying. And I'm shaking. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I need to relief the pain somehow.

I look down and see the scars that have healed, and ran my fingers over them. What would happen if I just died? Who would care? Without second thought I went to my bathroom and grabbed one of my brand new razors out of the pack, and took it to my bedroom, shutting my door and sliding down it landing on the ground, crying.

I broke it, got the blades out, and grabbed one. I contemplated it for a second before I took the blade and made a long cut from mid thigh, to my inner thigh. I immediately feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders and being replaced with a stinging pain, it hurts but it also feels good. I watched the blood emerge from my cut skin and added a second. Then a third. And a fourth.

I continued to add a few more slices, I would've  made more but John B got home and called out my name.

I quickly hid the blades, cleaned the blood, wiped my tears, and changed into some leggings before heading out to where JB is, to see what he needed.

A/N- If you're ever feeling like you need to harm your self, Text HOME to 988, and get the help you need! This world is a better place with you in it, I promise!!