With My Spirit

With My Spirit - Chapter 18

Bambi

It was a lonely night for Bambi as she was resting on her bed thinking of everything that happened and that's currently happening in her life. She's at a point where she totally feels nothing for Lomwe and her feelings are slowly directing to Landrick. She did admit her feeling for him while she was at the psychologist but she also assured herself that a relationship won't be happening soon, she's still unstable and traumatized to allow anyone to dwell in her heart. Her words and actions will not fit. Bambi would rather save Landrick from getting hurt by wasting his efforts. She was enjoying the time they spent together.

She instantly had a thought about Millicent but knew she couldn't get hold of her, it's been days since they talked. Millicent had to go on a family vacation with her in laws.

Her mom wasn't home for the week so she had the house all to herself. She started digging around the house until she got to her mom's bedroom, there was a feeling she was yearning for but couldn't put a finger on it. Her gut feeling started guiding her towards her mother's walk in closet, she never touched a thing that belonged to her mom so Bambi kept opening, closing and banging each door she came across. Right on the bottom drawer she found a beautiful vintage wooden box that was carved with the word LOVE and a lotus flower, the box attracted her and she carefully took it out holding tightly to it.

She banged the drawer one more time before speed walking to her mother's bed with the box, she wanted to see the content that was inside. It was clearly important and special that it had it's special container.
Bambi carefully opened the box and the first thing she saw was a bracelet that was custom made. The bracelet was made out of silver, there were five blue stones that had engravings in the middle of the bracelet. Each stone had a letter engraved to it spelling out the name "LINKO". Bambi's heart beat super fast as she remembered the name, it wasn't the first time she heard of this name and it came from her mother's mouth. When she tried to enquire about the Linko name her mother changed the topic as fast as she could and they never talked about it.

Even though Bambi never got her answer, she had a deep feeling that this name had a strong connection to her mother, she wouldn't keep it for such a long time if it meant nothing. She put on the bracelet wanting to see how it looked on her hand, it still had that shine, the stones looked amazing and super clear when she moved her hand. Bambi was truly mesmerized by it's beauty she didn't even take it off when she continued digging in the box.
She pulled out a brown envelope which was already torn and saw a letter inside it, coming to see the cursive writing on it she paused for a second and told herself she will read the letter when she's done. It has been long since she read or wrote in cursive, it might be a little tricky for her to read it.
Then next she came upon two gold rings, each ring had a engraving inside it spelling out the same name she read. On the outside there was a engraving of a lotus flower, Bambi felt some butterflies in her stomach when she remembered that lotus flowers are her favorite. She was also attracted to the rings and she put the rings on her fingers admiring its shine.
She was feeling a certain comfort and validation having the jewels on, she pulled out a thread from the box and made a decision to keep the jewels for herself. She knew her mother wouldn't notice if they were missing, she could tell that this box was never opened for years and maybe her mom forgot about it. She took out the rings used the thread to make a necklace for the rings so she can carry it everywhere she went. Now it was time to read the letter she placed aside.

Unspoken Words
I'm okay with it but I'll never be okay with how things are. I'll be looking at you from a distance and I'll never let you go. It hurts me to see you in pain but life had other plans.
I'm not God or will ever try to be, I'm innocent and I wish I had the capacity to do way more then I can give. It was impossible for me not to love you and you know that, I wish I had those millions to give you the moon but all I can offer you is an apology. I'm sorry for the destruction that's about to come but I love you. I won't forget you.♡

Bambi was confused by the letter, it had no address and didn't state who wrote the letter and to whom it was written for. The unspoken words title really stated the unspoken without an explanation. Bambi decided to shrug it off and put the letter inside the box. It was finally official that the jewels will be hers.

She returned to her bedroom wanting to take a nap. Within an hour of her sleeping she was finally in her rem sleep, she fell into a deep dream state it seemed as if she was lucid dreaming.

The dream
Bambi was sitting on a large stone watching a river flowing smoothly, the breeze was hitting her face and the sun felt good on her skin. She took a small pebble nearby and threw in the water listening to the sound effect that came when the pebble landed, the water was so clear even the fish were easy to detect. She suddenly heard her own voice from a distance singing, the voice was singing Never Be Alone by Shawn Mendes. The guitar play was on point and she turned to see who was singing. She saw a person sitting under a tree, the face wasn't clear to see but she could feel the connection between herself and this stranger. She could tell the person was smiling here and there while singing, when the whistling started Bambi also whistled along catching the attention of the stranger. They didn't stop instead they carried on until Bambi got up and walked towards the stranger. The stranger quickly got up and ran away before Bambi could reach there, she couldn't tell if the stranger was a male or female, she reached a tree and only found the guitar decorated with lotus flowers around them. She grabbed the flowers and walked away. Bambi instantly saw herself back in her bedroom then went to the corner of her bedroom and placed the lotus down, she saw a portable waterfall appear in her hands and placed it down, then she saw a gold and a silver candle appear in her left hand, on her right hand she saw a crystal candle holder appear, she placed the candles in the candle holders, snapped her fingers and the candles were on. Lastly three cinnamon sticks, a red rose, some lavender and mint appeared on her hands and she neatly arranged the contents on the floor. After the arrangement she noticed that she built a cute alter. A voice in her head told her to do that as soon as she woke up and she nodded her head feeling satisfied.

Bambi woke up from her dream and quickly wrote down what she saw, she had a strong gut feeling that told her to follow the dream and she will understand. She wanted to text Landrick about it but decided that this should be a sacred and private matter. She quickly went to take a bath and headed to town to fetch all she needed. Her airpods where on while she listened to the song that was playing in her dream. She believed the dream was a sign that she isn't alone, while shopping for her alter she kept admiring her shiny hand and couldn't stop touching the rings.

Bambi felt so confident and special. This Linko name sounded exotic to her, she decided to create her own significant meaning between the lotus flower and the Linko name. She decided that her alter ego will be Linko, a Goddess within her and it was guiding her to open up into a new world.

Bambi was more of a spiritual person than a religious person, she was cool with whatever spiritual practice one would take as long as the person doesn't harm others. She didn't care if someone created their own higher power as long as the higher power didn't create destruction to the people. She was now creating her very first higher power and she had the merchandise to match what she will practice, connection to her inner Goddess Linko. She will never be alone.