01 | Ikaw Ang Aking Musika

Kabanata 28

Last Kiss

In all of my years here in NLU, I learned a lot. Ang dami kong natutunan. Ang dami kong nakilala.

It felt like an adventure. An adventure na tipong ayoko nang umuwi sa sobrang saya. Yung sa sobrang ganda nung pakiramdam, hindi mo na gustong umalis? I experienced a lot of things that I didn't want to even stop there.

Ang saya rin palang maging independent ano? You learn to do things on your own—without your family beside you. Ako, I grew up with my family. Nasanay akong nandyan sina Mama para sa'kin, si Tita Jia.. But when I reached here alone, I realized that maybe it is time for me to grow up on my own. Yung walang nakaalalay sa'kin.

But I always knew that being independent means being totally responsible for your own actions, striving only with one self. Naaalala ko pa kung gaano ako kahirap na hirap noon nung mga unang week ko. Pagluluto? I learned by myself since I studied here. I took extra minutes to learn it. I did everything by myself. Pero, ang dami ko pa dapat matutunan. Hindi lang 'yon.

It was all baby steps. I had to endure everything. That is when I also realized that in every situation, I don't have or need to run back home— but face it with courage and do it step-by-step.

You know how some adults learn things too? On their own. They had to face things without anyone's help, and I intend to be like them too.

That I need to be on my own.

It was sad, but felt amazing at the same time. Ang saya rin palang matutunan ang mga bagay-bagay. You know how proud youʼll became for doing such things na hindi mo nagagawa dati.

Yet that amazement has its own ending. That there's this time that you will be needing to come home.

And end every journey you experienced on your own.

I looked up the name of the newly-built cafe far from the university I am going to. I felt the chills on how I agreed to get myself here— even though I was disappointed by what happened yesterday. And I was still disappointed, up to now.

I entered the coffee shop, the chimes dangling when I entered. It was elegantly themed; black, brown, white. It was pleasing. Kahit bago palang sila sa lokasyon, ang dami na agad bumibili. I guess they wanted to try something new.

I roamed my eyes around— stopping at a taken seat and an available one for one to seat. I slowly walked there, heart racing yet I couldn't breathe. Nahihirapan din akong ihakbang ang mga paa ko. Pinilit ko ring lunukin ang kung anumang nasa lalamunan ko.

I sat across from her. She had her eyes on her coffee, drinking it. I calmed myself down and waited for her to talk.

"Balita ko you're fixing your papers already?" Binaba niya ang kape niya sa lamesa, creating a noise from it.

I was silent while staring at my own coffee prepared for it. It gone cold from waiting from me. Wala na naman akong gana pero wala akong nagawa nang sagutin ko ang tawag kanina saʼkin ng lola ni Ace na pinapapunta ako sa lokasyong malayo-layo sa unibersidad.