01 | Ikaw Ang Aking Musika

Kabanata 31.

All right

Dinig na dinig ko ang dagundong ng sarili kong dibdib sa mga tainga ko. I could feel my breath ragging; despite the full air-conditioned state of the car, I was sweating bullets. Nanginginig pa ang mga kamay ko.

Kinakabahan ako.

I couldn't feel myself well and I couldn't explain all these emotions inside me. Naeexcite ako, nalulungkot, naiinis ako sa sarili ko... Hindi ko alam.

Tila ba nanigas ako sa kinauupuan ko nang mapansin akong naghahanap na si Lou ng parking sa venue ng lugar. He was maneuvering the steering wheel while I was all statued up on my seat— unable to move, even my fingers. Doon na rin ako nagsimulang magpawis.

Nang malamig.

I suddenly started to overthink things. Na what if hindi niya magustuhan yung pagpunta ko rito? Na what if ipagtabuyan niya ako? Na what if—

My freaking goodness, you fucking relax Jade.

There's not even a chance that we will meet there sa dami ng tao. Panigurado, kumpol-kumpol ang lahat kaya imposible rin akong makita. I was also dressed in a way na hindi ako halata. No doubt na makikila pa ako.

At this point, I was just gaslighting myself. Ewan ko. Ayoko na lang talaga magpanic at magbackout kung kailan last minute na. That would be so bad, especially for Louie na excited talaga para rito. I would be his mood killer if I went home just like that.

"You already prepared?" He asked,

I breathed out, ikinuyom ko ang kamao ko. Naramdaman ko naman ang paghawak niya roon kaya I was eased a little— pero nandoon pa rin ang pangamba. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko.

"Hey, you don't have to attend if you don't want to. I will be fine." He assured me.

I just went silent for a couple of seconds before answering him. I went firm with my decisions this time. I am sure that I can do this.

"Don't worry, I am alright. I can attend with you." Sa ngayon, ako naman ang humawak sa kamay niya. Nginitian ko siya.

He sighed and smiled back. Mukha talaga siyang golden retriever.

Natawa pa ako tsaka nagpresintang bumaba na kami. Huminga pa ako nang malalim tsaka naglakad kasama niya.

You know that there will be always a saying na hindi mo malalabanan yung takot mo kapag hindi mo rin naman hinaharap. Ano naman kung hindi mo mahulaan kung ano yung magiging resulta? Ano naman kung ang daming posibleng mangyari? Would you just let those things stop you? Would you just lose those possibilities to stop you from doing what you really wanted? To face those fears?

Ang dami naman talagang walang kasiguraduhan sa buhay. Ang daming pwedeng mangyari bukas, ang dami ring pwedeng mangyari sa kasunod pa. You just have to conquer it all. You just have to stand tall.