Red Roses and Black Crows

Poem 7 - Sayonara, farewell! (PRV1)

Sayonara, farewell!
I left you in my dark and I know you didn't even care
Every memory we shared
It was just me being wrong in my brain

Why did I believe everyone else was more than me?
I wanted to be the one others wouldn't judge
I was tired of being judged for every little mistake
There was never much at stake

I had to become very self-aware
I had to lock into my soul
Hide underneath my shell to protect myself
From everyone who hurt me

Why do I have to be with people who hurt me?
Why can't I forgive them?
I carry on holding a grudge, it still pains me deep down
On my face, nothing shown

They're the reason I turned silent
Swallowing every word inside
Careful not to make a noise
Careful not to look away

Became judged for every little thing I did
Feeling numb and unhappy, becoming used to the imprisonment

I would send myself miles elsewhere from this bumpy road
Between humans who do not understand me
I was born different, born to be hated by others

I barely truly complained, I became used to the pain
In the end, I gained new feelings I couldn't handle
I didn't realize what was the problem with me
The candle of "I'm fine" was burning out

Everything crashed down at the end
How can you escape, when you are used to living this way?
Like an animal locked in a cage
Used never to get away

Sayonara, farewell!
I had to embrace my fate, a new beginning
In the end, I realized it was what I needed to be happy

I surrounded myself with the bad kind of people
It has been a very long time
Among the ones I've chosen
I faced pain, lies, and loads of emotions

It was deeply rooted in my head
My self-esteem is what drove me mad
How can you choose the right persons
When you hate yourself so much?

Everything I did at that time was wrong
Drowning in self-pity, in confusion,
In distortions, in emotions,
I knew it was not right, so why did I keep it?

Leaping through endless dimensions
And walking through unknown destinations
I didn't know where fate would carry me

However, one part became clear
Sayonara, farewell!
I must move on from my mistakes
I must move on from my past and self-pity

I have to admit I was not correct
I have to admit I made it affect me this way
I blamed others for my pain
I acted as if it was not partly my fault
Always being the victim even if I was mean

Sayonara, farewell!
Does that ring a bell?
The past, the people, I had to leave them behind
I didn't forgive, I didn't forget, and it affected me less and less
I pulled myself away from the whole mess I had made
It was the only way to heal

Sayonara, farewell!
I had to figure out who I am, what is my destiny,
Not to become caught in my vanity, to not believe in insanity
I am sane, I am okay
The candle's burning brighter now
And I can finally embrace who I am and was supposed to be,
so sayonara, farewell!