Red Roses and Black Crows

Poem 10 - Bottled emotions

Emotions are hidden in jars
Bottled up under pressure, under a lid
It's where I hid my greatest fears
A mechanism full of gears

Jars are cracking under pressure
There is nothing to ensure
They won't break one day
I don't know for how long can I go on
Before it overflows

Nothing on my face shows, no emotions
Deep inside happens an inner war
And I'm letting it go too far
Swallowed by the ocean

Some things are better left unspoken
Saying them will destroy others
And I hid my deep fears
I held the containers near

I knew one day the pressure wouldn't last
When my feelings overflow
The inner devils win
They cause mischief and pain
Burying my feelings wasn't the answer
The rage in me escaped

I ruined everything, I lost a friend
The relationship I was supposed to mend,
I ruined it and there was no way back,
I am my own demons

I am the one boiling, full of rage
Because of feelings, I stuffed in glass
Because of bottled emotions
I pretended to be fine, to let others shine

To stay away from the darkness,
Waiting until it consumes me
If only I said what bothered me
I wouldn't have to swallow anything
I sabotaged myself, consumed by darkness,
Turned into a mess, my demons

To confess meant to ruin
Trying to reach common ground,
But the earth cracked anytime I tried
I let myself become this way
I learned the hard way

I couldn't save it, I tried to ruin it
Little did I know hiding wouldn't be the answer
Stuffing my emotions in glass caused me pain
Swallowing my temper again and again

I always knew I am my demons
Shoving my feelings caused me no freedom
I seldom showed discomfort
I didn't desire to sort things out

I ruined what I could
I didn't do what I should
I am the darkness and the jailor
I couldn't save what I broke
And I had to let it go